Dax Shepard

for infractions in the relationship.

And what I mean from an attachment perspective is when all of a sudden we feel that the other person is not available to us because attachment is really a radar of availability of other people.

It's a safety system.

People think it's such a deep thing about bonding.

It really is a very rudimentary safety system.

It's how we feel safe in the world.

Yeah.

And so we survey the environment and we kind of have an idea in our mind.

And you two probably also have an idea in your mind where your loved ones are and that they're okay.

But if I were to tell you that, God forbid, and I even hate saying that there's something that happened somewhere, you won't be able to continue to have this conversation.

You'd have to stop and immediately check to see that they're okay.

have this surveillance system going in the back of our head all the time.

People with an anxious attachment style, their surveillance system can pick up on very subtle changes of that availability and potential threat.

But the research also shows that it's not the only thing they're very good at picking up.

They're picking up on picking a lot of different social cues.

There is a downside to it, but it also comes with a huge upside.

Let's say if you're, and I've seen it so many times with patients and just in people in the world, like if you're better at day trading, you can sort of really see subtle changes that other people won't be able to detect.

They're just very, very good at detecting.

And then also one then questions, and that's what I really try to do in this book, is turn around that whole causality thing.

Because oftentimes people blame their parents for their adult attachment style, and it's completely wrong.