Dax

And now I feel like we've decided the separation, it wasn't helping because it was already, like we were falling back into the same patterns anyway. So we're kind of like, F it. Let's just actually be together while we figure this out because I don't think what we did was helping. Now, a therapist might tell us, you need to do X, Y, Z. And we'd be very open to that.

And now I feel like we've decided the separation, it wasn't helping because it was already, like we were falling back into the same patterns anyway. So we're kind of like, F it. Let's just actually be together while we figure this out because I don't think what we did was helping. Now, a therapist might tell us, you need to do X, Y, Z. And we'd be very open to that.

I think we just both now after a week and how much up and down pain there's been, we just want to figure out how we can do it, but also be together because we feel like we need, we need something. We need that from each other, I guess. I'm probably misrepresenting all this. I'm so sorry, Casey. That was probably terrible. I don't know. I said the wrong thing. One thing that's stuck in my head.

I think we just both now after a week and how much up and down pain there's been, we just want to figure out how we can do it, but also be together because we feel like we need, we need something. We need that from each other, I guess. I'm probably misrepresenting all this. I'm so sorry, Casey. That was probably terrible. I don't know. I said the wrong thing. One thing that's stuck in my head.

Hey, look, you're doing the thing. You're doing the thing you just said. I'm blaming myself.

Hey, look, you're doing the thing. You're doing the thing you just said. I'm blaming myself.

Yeah, I think that's when I said superficially making her happy. I know I'm not genuinely creating real happiness or joy or anything. It's just creating... a comfort for today. Let's just feel comfortable in this moment. So yeah, I recognize that's... I got to get rid of that. The one thing I am... The thing I'm hanging on to in my mind just today, so not...

Yeah, I think that's when I said superficially making her happy. I know I'm not genuinely creating real happiness or joy or anything. It's just creating... a comfort for today. Let's just feel comfortable in this moment. So yeah, I recognize that's... I got to get rid of that. The one thing I am... The thing I'm hanging on to in my mind just today, so not...

creating a bunch of different life habits to try and shake up the brain. But I'm just thinking I'm very hung up or very concentrated on the idea of one day at a time. That's so cliche, but I literally need to have a constant check-in with Casey right now to, to just make sure we don't slip into patterns.

creating a bunch of different life habits to try and shake up the brain. But I'm just thinking I'm very hung up or very concentrated on the idea of one day at a time. That's so cliche, but I literally need to have a constant check-in with Casey right now to, to just make sure we don't slip into patterns.

So one thing that's changed dramatically just today is I do feel like I can tell her everything. And I have started telling her everything that I felt like I had to hide before. Something has flipped for me that like, I'm going to be myself. 100%.

So one thing that's changed dramatically just today is I do feel like I can tell her everything. And I have started telling her everything that I felt like I had to hide before. Something has flipped for me that like, I'm going to be myself. 100%.

And if that means she doesn't want to be with me, then that's better than this life we've built over 15 years where I'm just going to hide the things that I think she doesn't want and try and be the thing she does want. That is gone. I will not do that anymore. And I think that's the main place it shows up is with Casey. I don't want to do that with anybody. I don't want to feel like...

And if that means she doesn't want to be with me, then that's better than this life we've built over 15 years where I'm just going to hide the things that I think she doesn't want and try and be the thing she does want. That is gone. I will not do that anymore. And I think that's the main place it shows up is with Casey. I don't want to do that with anybody. I don't want to feel like...

I'm pretending to be something with anybody. But yeah, it's like repulsive to me. Like the feeling of like hiding makes me kind of want to vomit.

I'm pretending to be something with anybody. But yeah, it's like repulsive to me. Like the feeling of like hiding makes me kind of want to vomit.

So like at this point moving forward, if I'm someone who plays video games or not, if I played that specific video game or not, she's going to know and everyone's going to know and it's going to be healthy and I'm not going to be in the shadows feeling like I can't just be myself with my own life. Anyway, that much has changed. I know today something flipped.

So like at this point moving forward, if I'm someone who plays video games or not, if I played that specific video game or not, she's going to know and everyone's going to know and it's going to be healthy and I'm not going to be in the shadows feeling like I can't just be myself with my own life. Anyway, that much has changed. I know today something flipped.

Yeah, it's going to feel it's every interaction still feels hard to not think about what she how she perceives me because that's been ingrained over a long period of time. But yeah, I've got to I've got to get past that. I've got to be able to make decisions without fear of how she views it.

Yeah, it's going to feel it's every interaction still feels hard to not think about what she how she perceives me because that's been ingrained over a long period of time. But yeah, I've got to I've got to get past that. I've got to be able to make decisions without fear of how she views it.