Dedrick Flynn

How we doing?

Man.

At the end of the day, I'm just a hick-ass farmer from Cattle Mills, Texas.

And the thing about this, if you know anything about farmers, the only reason they have kids is to, like, carry on the farm and the cheap farm labor.

Well, I was an only child and a fuck-up at that, so when my dad died, that's why the farm failed, and now I'm out here doing comedy fucking that up, too.

It's crazy, though.

We were so broke that when my dad died, all I inherited was a porn collection.

And here's the thing.

I used to buy my dad porn.

So I've already seen a third of this collection, and I don't have enough bodily fluids for the other two-thirds of this collection.

I'll be damned if I'm going to rehab for masturbation addiction.

That's like getting cancer from vaping.

That's just fucking embarrassing.

Like, can't even raise my hand because it's busy.

Like, shit.

But I'll tell you what, though.

I don't...

I don't think... I don't think I'll make it in stand-up comedy, though, man.

I had a very untraumatic childhood.

Like, I didn't get molested, because I wasn't in the church or the scouts.