Dee Allum

What about you, Dee?

Well, my worst ever review was actually from a romantic partner.

It was my first relationship that I was in.

I was, like, 18 years old.

And in hindsight, that relationship was never going to work, you know, because I was a woman and she was a harlot.

Basically, I could feel it failing, so I tried to make a big gesture, win her back.

Something important to know about my girlfriend at the time is that she was Kurdish.

The Kurds are an ethnic group from the Middle East.

They're very proud of their own culture, and particularly of their own language.

So what I thought I would do, as a big romantic gesture, is spend six months of my life...

learning Kurdish.

I could go and surprise her with a little speech.

So I found a man online called Kamal, who's often like Kurdish tutoring, helped put together this little speech.

I go over to her house on Christmas Day, and I say the first line of the speech, which was, which means, I have been learning a little bit of Kurdish.

I've got her and I say, and she looks at me, I'll never forget this.

She looks at me and she says, what?

So I say it again, and she says, are you feeling all right?

And I say, no.

And it turns out that Kamal has taught me a very specific dialect of Kurdish, which is not mutually intelligible with the very normal kind of Kurdish that my girlfriend speaks at home.

So... Any Kurds in?