Derek Thompson

And thinking about leaving this house, and getting my hair done, and doing my makeup, or putting on the right clothes, and maybe using the subway, and maybe the subway's broken, or getting into a car, but I don't want to call the Uber, we start imagining all the misadventures of getting out of the house. And we think, that seems like too much energy to expend. And I'm in a low energy state.

So I'm just going to say no to the friend. And in fact, I might even celebrate if they end up canceling their plan in the first place. One way to summarize what I think is happening here is that we are donating our dopamine to our phones rather than reserving our dopamine for our friends.

So I'm just going to say no to the friend. And in fact, I might even celebrate if they end up canceling their plan in the first place. One way to summarize what I think is happening here is that we are donating our dopamine to our phones rather than reserving our dopamine for our friends.

So I'm just going to say no to the friend. And in fact, I might even celebrate if they end up canceling their plan in the first place. One way to summarize what I think is happening here is that we are donating our dopamine to our phones rather than reserving our dopamine for our friends.

And as a result, we find ourselves in this uncanny space where we simultaneously have more time to ourselves but are made so exhausted by that alone leisure time that we're pulling back from opportunities to be truly social.

And as a result, we find ourselves in this uncanny space where we simultaneously have more time to ourselves but are made so exhausted by that alone leisure time that we're pulling back from opportunities to be truly social.

And as a result, we find ourselves in this uncanny space where we simultaneously have more time to ourselves but are made so exhausted by that alone leisure time that we're pulling back from opportunities to be truly social.

I think they are important things in our lives, and they're important things in their lives too. I talked to the psychologist Nick Epley at the University of Chicago. for this piece.

I think they are important things in our lives, and they're important things in their lives too. I talked to the psychologist Nick Epley at the University of Chicago. for this piece.

I think they are important things in our lives, and they're important things in their lives too. I talked to the psychologist Nick Epley at the University of Chicago. for this piece.

And he makes this really interesting point that there's many people, especially introverts but including some extroverts, who sometimes withhold conversation with strangers or even with people they do know because they assume that the other person just won't want to talk to them or the other person will find them uninteresting.

And he makes this really interesting point that there's many people, especially introverts but including some extroverts, who sometimes withhold conversation with strangers or even with people they do know because they assume that the other person just won't want to talk to them or the other person will find them uninteresting.

And he makes this really interesting point that there's many people, especially introverts but including some extroverts, who sometimes withhold conversation with strangers or even with people they do know because they assume that the other person just won't want to talk to them or the other person will find them uninteresting.

And he says that that's typically not true, that there's a great deal of human interaction that's governed by a principle of reciprocity, which is to say, if I'm nice to you, you'll be nice to me. If I give you a compliment, you'll say thank you. If I tell a joke, you'll smile, even if it's a terrible joke. This is how humans get along, is through this kind of reciprocal engagement.

And he says that that's typically not true, that there's a great deal of human interaction that's governed by a principle of reciprocity, which is to say, if I'm nice to you, you'll be nice to me. If I give you a compliment, you'll say thank you. If I tell a joke, you'll smile, even if it's a terrible joke. This is how humans get along, is through this kind of reciprocal engagement.

And he says that that's typically not true, that there's a great deal of human interaction that's governed by a principle of reciprocity, which is to say, if I'm nice to you, you'll be nice to me. If I give you a compliment, you'll say thank you. If I tell a joke, you'll smile, even if it's a terrible joke. This is how humans get along, is through this kind of reciprocal engagement.

And many times we forget that. And so we withhold conversation from other people. And in particular, we withhold deep conversation with other people, fearing that deep conversation will be found annoying by the people around us. But it's typically not. It's typically deeply enjoyed.

And many times we forget that. And so we withhold conversation from other people. And in particular, we withhold deep conversation with other people, fearing that deep conversation will be found annoying by the people around us. But it's typically not. It's typically deeply enjoyed.

And many times we forget that. And so we withhold conversation from other people. And in particular, we withhold deep conversation with other people, fearing that deep conversation will be found annoying by the people around us. But it's typically not. It's typically deeply enjoyed.

Lots of his studies, including some randomized studies, seem to find that people, even introverts, are made much happier by these brief encounters in our lives with people on a train or the clerks in the store that we're visiting than And what I think is really profound about that mistake that we're making is that, yes, maybe it's just a 15-minute conversation with someone on a train.