Desi Lydic

Holy shit! We have the first American pope, and let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? Oh! We don't really have the gravitas that you associate with popiness. We're less somber procession and more monster truck rally. I just think it's a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili's baby back ribs song. Kind of weird.

Holy shit! We have the first American pope, and let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? Oh! We don't really have the gravitas that you associate with popiness. We're less somber procession and more monster truck rally. I just think it's a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili's baby back ribs song. Kind of weird.

In fact, I was trying to come up with a way to explain why the idea of an American pope feels like such a contradiction, but I think the way the news broke here kind of sums it up.

In fact, I was trying to come up with a way to explain why the idea of an American pope feels like such a contradiction, but I think the way the news broke here kind of sums it up.

Wait, what happened with Andrea? Go back to the gross love triangle. I love that stuff. But the votes are counted, and the Vatican doesn't have a January 6th, so there's no going back. Let's find out more about this American pope. Excuse me, Pope Americano.

Wait, what happened with Andrea? Go back to the gross love triangle. I love that stuff. But the votes are counted, and the Vatican doesn't have a January 6th, so there's no going back. Let's find out more about this American pope. Excuse me, Pope Americano.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're telling me that you think all Americans are loudmouthed jackasses? Well, you. Humble? Humble? I'm the most humble bitch you've ever seen. But let's get back to the pope. Of course, the first job of every new pope is to pick a pope name, which we all know is supposed to be the name of your first pet in the street you grew up on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're telling me that you think all Americans are loudmouthed jackasses? Well, you. Humble? Humble? I'm the most humble bitch you've ever seen. But let's get back to the pope. Of course, the first job of every new pope is to pick a pope name, which we all know is supposed to be the name of your first pet in the street you grew up on.

But he went a different way.

But he went a different way.

Leo the 14th? Did he choose it the way we pick a new email address? Desi.Lydic is taken? Okay, what about Desi.Lydic2? Really? Three? Really? Four? Fine, Desi.Lydic14. But yes, Robert Prevost's new name is Leo the 14th, which sucks for him because he just got his real ID. Damn it. It's okay. Now, I've always found this odd.

Leo the 14th? Did he choose it the way we pick a new email address? Desi.Lydic is taken? Okay, what about Desi.Lydic2? Really? Three? Really? Four? Fine, Desi.Lydic14. But yes, Robert Prevost's new name is Leo the 14th, which sucks for him because he just got his real ID. Damn it. It's okay. Now, I've always found this odd.

The church is so conservative on gay issues, but then they turn around and make its leader choose a drag name. And make it quick. We've got to get you to your gown fitting. You're going to look so fierce. But after he picked his pope name, he came out and gave his first speech in both Italian and Spanish about the need for unity and peace on Earth. So cue peace and unity in three, two, one.

The church is so conservative on gay issues, but then they turn around and make its leader choose a drag name. And make it quick. We've got to get you to your gown fitting. You're going to look so fierce. But after he picked his pope name, he came out and gave his first speech in both Italian and Spanish about the need for unity and peace on Earth. So cue peace and unity in three, two, one.

Yes, yes. How dare you? If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for the Pope. Shame. Shame on you. Come on, does it really matter what language he speaks? It's church. You're going to be sleeping through it anyway. And besides, there's going to be plenty of other stuff for conservatives to throw a tantrum about.

Yes, yes. How dare you? If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for the Pope. Shame. Shame on you. Come on, does it really matter what language he speaks? It's church. You're going to be sleeping through it anyway. And besides, there's going to be plenty of other stuff for conservatives to throw a tantrum about.

The new Pope does not like J.D. Vance. He really is an everyday American. Be careful, though, Father, if you piss off J.D. Vance, he's going to pay you a visit. You don't want that. For more on the new pope, let's go to the Vatican with Michael Kosta.

The new Pope does not like J.D. Vance. He really is an everyday American. Be careful, though, Father, if you piss off J.D. Vance, he's going to pay you a visit. You don't want that. For more on the new pope, let's go to the Vatican with Michael Kosta.

Hey, I take it you're excited the Pope is American.

Hey, I take it you're excited the Pope is American.