Desi Lydic

But let's move on to the big news about Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense and guy who will buy you a beer even if you're underage.

And also, you didn't even ask him for beer.

And also, he's just drinking the beer all by himself.

I'm kidding.

Pete assures us he's sober, although he might need a drink now.

Now to the intensifying controversy surrounding Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth over an alleged order to kill everyone on a suspected drug boat and a second strike that targeted survivors.

Lawmakers from both parties and legal experts say this could be a war crime.

Oh my God.

I can't believe Pete Hegseth might be going down for war crimes.

I thought for sure it'd be a hit and run while running away from another hit and run.

But don't worry, Pete's already prepared for jail.

He got the gang tattoos years ago.

Way to plan ahead, Mr. Secretary.

And one thing we know, if somebody did something wrong, he's gonna man up and take responsibility as the Secretary of War.

What a little bitch.

Blaming someone by pretending to praise them, I stand by him and all the decisions he made on his own while I was out of the room.

If you want to get to him, you know what?

You'll have to get through me, and I will let you do that as you were.

I also love how Pete's also pre-blaming Bradley for all the other sins.

And I also congratulate the Admiral for cheating on my wife at the holiday party next week.