Desi Lydic

I mean, my first thought is Molly, happy pride.

This is why Americans carry guns, in case a deer shows up to your house drunk, asking to borrow money again.

So sure, our animals are fully over the legal limit for synthetic hormones, but at least they can walk in a straight line to the slaughterhouse.

Sorry, France, but drunk deer are so not a problem.

And don't think I forgot about you, Hong Kong.

Here in America, we might be letting legalized gambling ruin our democracy, but at least we're not gambling our life savings on furry toys.

Jesus Christ, you guys are playing with claw machines during a typhoon?

God, imagine telling your children your dad died doing what he loved, spending $800 trying to win a Pokemon.

Look, Hong Kongers, there's so many other things you could do with your night.

Go dancing, see a movie, get drunk and paint a ceramic plate.

Believe me, that is not addictive or fun.

Also, you do know that you can just buy everything that's in the machine, right?

When I go to Target to get a Tamagotchi, I'm not reaching toward the shelves being like, oh, I hope I get it!

What's even worse is that claw machines are like the most boring game to get addicted to.

You just jiggle an arm and press a button.

God, it's like pleasuring a beautiful woman.

Happy pride.

So, yeah, America's gambling problem might be ruining our society, but at least we're losing all our money, betting the Knicks will win it in four.

Shut up, they still can!

So, sorry, Hong Kong, but your claw machine addiction is so not our problem.