Desi Lydic

The website was an instant smash for reasons even Mark sometimes didn't seem to understand.

While his DMs calling his fellow students dumb f**ks for trusting him with their data wouldn't come out until years later, Facebook's rise wasn't without controversy, a drama immortalized in the social network.

And rather than recap this period, let's just watch it real quick.

Those army hammers are going to be working forever.

Like all Hollywood stories, some details were exaggerated.

Mark wasn't as cool as the movie made him seem.

Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Yes, the media spotlight forced Zuckerberg to bravely confess the truth, that he totally boned in college.

But after the movie, Zuckerberg realized that he needed a more adult update to his public profile.

Something manly.

Revealed, of course, in a posting on Facebook that said, I just killed a pig and a goat.

Zuckerberg was upgrading everything.

He learned

Chinese.

He tried his hand at comedy.

Come on, I invented poking.

He got new friends and a new wardrobe.

My name is Barack Obama and I'm the guy who got Mark to wear a jacket and tie.

And he updated his relationship status, marrying the girl he was totally hooking up with in college no matter what that stupid movie said.

Who's the asshole now, girl that doesn't exist?