Desi Lydic

The childhood stuff was just gut-wrenching.

And I think I actually had, the aha I had today as I talked about this is that I think because I so rarely have talked about this stuff, there's stuff that my best friends don't know, that my therapist doesn't know.

So...

Yeah, girl, we go there.

It is open.

So I need to... I think some of it's just not fully processed yet.

It's not, like, fully out of my body or I probably wouldn't have been so re-traumatized by it.

So I have some work to do.

But, like, sometimes I just... Who wants to, like, go back to the worst times in your life where you felt, like, worthless?

And, like, shame is a huge part of my childhood and trauma and abuse.

And I felt, like...

just completely unlovable, unwanted.

One detail, one specific thing, is that I never knew my father, and my mother did not intend to get pregnant with my brother and me.

And the one time I met my father-slash-sperm donor, I was in third grade, met him for the first time, and...

Long story short, spent one night at his house with the woman he was living with, and the next day that woman dropped my brother and me off at a police station, and we ended up in an orphanage.

Read the rest in the book.

It's not funny at all.

It's probably, yeah, it's probably the most traumatizing thing from my childhood.

Of course.

Because of the abandonment, because...