Devin Sandiford

It was in the craziness of events in June that I made the decision.

I'm sitting in my apartment in Brooklyn, New York.

There's a global pandemic.

I'm at home, I just finished a late night of work after helping my five and eight year old sons with their remote learning.

And now is when I've made the decision to do the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life.

Call my mom.

See, it's kind of weird being a 35-year-old who's afraid to call his mom, but I'm the youngest of three in my family, and I kind of just took on the role of the peacemaker in my family.

So whenever my brother and sister would start arguing, I would try and find ways to joke and make everybody back to being peaceful and happy.

And anytime my brother wasn't being a good listener, I made sure to always listen to my parents and pick up things around the house, because I just wanted to bring everybody peace and happiness.

But I'm afraid to talk to my mom on this particular night in my apartment because I know the conversation I have to have with her is not going to bring any peace.

It's only going to bring pain.

Because I have to talk to her about her brother that died when I was little.

I don't really know the story because no one's ever told me, but I've pieced together little pieces and what I know is that when I was six years old,

My mom's brother was shot and killed on the front lawn of my grandparents' home by the police.

And I can't really blame my mom for never telling me this story because I know it's really painful.

And I have a lot of painful memories and painful moments from my life that I've never shared with her.

So I can't really blame her.

And there's especially this one painful moment that I have that I never really shared with her.

And it happened when I was 21 years old.

When I was 21 years old, I transferred to a new university in Southern California where I'm from.