Dr. Adi Jaffe

Like, okay, you blacked out, woke up in the morning, had a horrible fight with your wife and she's leaving you because you were an a-hole yesterday while you were drunk and at a party with friends, you said some really, really horrible and inappropriate things. Can we all understand for a second why you would want to never talk about that event again and brush it under the rug?

Like, okay, you blacked out, woke up in the morning, had a horrible fight with your wife and she's leaving you because you were an a-hole yesterday while you were drunk and at a party with friends, you said some really, really horrible and inappropriate things. Can we all understand for a second why you would want to never talk about that event again and brush it under the rug?

Like, okay, you blacked out, woke up in the morning, had a horrible fight with your wife and she's leaving you because you were an a-hole yesterday while you were drunk and at a party with friends, you said some really, really horrible and inappropriate things. Can we all understand for a second why you would want to never talk about that event again and brush it under the rug?

I mean, nobody would want to process it. But I say, when did that start? What was the stimulus? What started that process? Then perception is when a trigger, when something showed up in your life, how did the perception hit you? Like for you, if I don't want to be lonely, if I want people to like me, if I want to be accepted, I need to say yes and contribute to others, right?

I mean, nobody would want to process it. But I say, when did that start? What was the stimulus? What started that process? Then perception is when a trigger, when something showed up in your life, how did the perception hit you? Like for you, if I don't want to be lonely, if I want people to like me, if I want to be accepted, I need to say yes and contribute to others, right?

I mean, nobody would want to process it. But I say, when did that start? What was the stimulus? What started that process? Then perception is when a trigger, when something showed up in your life, how did the perception hit you? Like for you, if I don't want to be lonely, if I want people to like me, if I want to be accepted, I need to say yes and contribute to others, right?

The activation with that disappearing or not being there could be fear. loneliness, negative self-perception, right? Things of like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and future projecting. And what you did at some point in your life in the past is you said, when I feel scared of being alone forever, I have responses. I look for somebody to help, right?

The activation with that disappearing or not being there could be fear. loneliness, negative self-perception, right? Things of like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and future projecting. And what you did at some point in your life in the past is you said, when I feel scared of being alone forever, I have responses. I look for somebody to help, right?

The activation with that disappearing or not being there could be fear. loneliness, negative self-perception, right? Things of like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and future projecting. And what you did at some point in your life in the past is you said, when I feel scared of being alone forever, I have responses. I look for somebody to help, right?

When I feel scared, I'm gonna be alone forever. I look at all my friends. I say, Hey, what do you need any help with anything right now? And that makes me feel better. it doesn't deal with your overcommitment. And so what you end up finding over and over and over is the main points of leverage that most people have are not in changing the behavior and they're not in avoiding the triggers.

When I feel scared, I'm gonna be alone forever. I look at all my friends. I say, Hey, what do you need any help with anything right now? And that makes me feel better. it doesn't deal with your overcommitment. And so what you end up finding over and over and over is the main points of leverage that most people have are not in changing the behavior and they're not in avoiding the triggers.

When I feel scared, I'm gonna be alone forever. I look at all my friends. I say, Hey, what do you need any help with anything right now? And that makes me feel better. it doesn't deal with your overcommitment. And so what you end up finding over and over and over is the main points of leverage that most people have are not in changing the behavior and they're not in avoiding the triggers.

They're in shifting the perception and or learning how to control the activation. Those are the two biggest leverage point that you really have.

They're in shifting the perception and or learning how to control the activation. Those are the two biggest leverage point that you really have.

They're in shifting the perception and or learning how to control the activation. Those are the two biggest leverage point that you really have.

Yeah. We talk about this in graduate school all the time. Research is really me-search, right? Is you try to understand what the heck happened. And that was definitely true for me. I found myself, by the time I was a PhD student at UCLA, I had this, that was like phase three of my life.

Yeah. We talk about this in graduate school all the time. Research is really me-search, right? Is you try to understand what the heck happened. And that was definitely true for me. I found myself, by the time I was a PhD student at UCLA, I had this, that was like phase three of my life.

Yeah. We talk about this in graduate school all the time. Research is really me-search, right? Is you try to understand what the heck happened. And that was definitely true for me. I found myself, by the time I was a PhD student at UCLA, I had this, that was like phase three of my life.

So phase one was as a kid growing up, up to 14 years old, same exact apartment, went to school across the street from my home, like super chill, good upbringing, right? You know, parents had issues, fought, not very emotional household, but I didn't have any big T trauma, it was pretty wholesome. 14 years old, I moved, had the exact same experience you did, Drew. super lonely and isolated.

So phase one was as a kid growing up, up to 14 years old, same exact apartment, went to school across the street from my home, like super chill, good upbringing, right? You know, parents had issues, fought, not very emotional household, but I didn't have any big T trauma, it was pretty wholesome. 14 years old, I moved, had the exact same experience you did, Drew. super lonely and isolated.