Dr. Adjua Smalls-Monte

Unfortunately, yes.

and it is really something that is going on more and more and we've learned from the domestic violence shelters and hotlines that there are more people seeking their services like you mentioned in the emergency room i see people that have come right after a violent attack whether it is a physical assault a sexual assault but i also see people that have gone through it for so long and now they feel ready to address it and

They're breaking down emotionally from what they have experienced.

And what you mentioned about people not being able to tell their families is something that is very, very common because there's a lot of embarrassment surrounding this.

There's a lot of shame.

There's a lot of anger and frustration.

And there's also a feeling of what can I do?

Who will believe me?

And a lot of people that are victims of violence, they have grown up in environments where they have seen other people be victims.

And one of the things that perpetrators do do is try to make you feel like there is no way out.

There's no one that you can talk to.

So some of the things that you should be looking for are how you think about how do we get to the point of somebody being involved in a domestic violence relationship?

And a lot of times it can start off as a lot of good feelings.

The relationship progresses very quickly.

almost you know there's love bombing that can happen a lot of adoration and people might say oh wow this is too good to be true and then things start to happen so if you notice that they're checking in very frequently where are you they're texting you frequently they want to know everyone in your life um they want to be with you all the time that's a sense of control that the abuser is trying to have and so somebody on the outside might notice oh wow this person has shown up to every single event you can't get a minute

away from them.

Another thing that we tend to see is that people then feel like there is a threat of violence.

The person will actually say, if you do this again, I'm going to do this or that.

So it doesn't necessarily always come out of the blue for some people.

They might threaten to hurt you.