Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

They're putting in the hard work to think about it.

And then they are saying it out loud.

They are saying, wow, I really heard you say this.

And it seemed like you maybe feel anxious about this thing.

Can you tell me more about that?

Just being able to do that is incredible.

That is sort of what competence is when we're talking about interpersonal contexts.

It's so true.

L is levity, Mel.

Thank goodness.

It's levity, and levity includes moments of humor, but also unfunny moments of warmth.

And levity is the antidote for boredom.

Yeah, listen, when we think of conversations that have gone off the rails or have not gone well, it's very easy to think of conversations that seemed angry or hostile or there was conflict or disagreement because it's so obvious.

Like you're yelling at each other, you're arguing.

Yeah.

But what is a quieter killer of conversation and probably more common than conflict is boredom and disengagement.

We're not interested in what we're saying to each other.

And as soon as either person becomes disinterested, you can't have that good connection.

You can't make progress anymore.

And levity, these fleeting moments of sparkle and fizz, they pull us back in.