Dr. Alok Kanojia (Dr. K)

So I want you all to go back to this idea of, I met my partner.

I'm in the honeymoon phase.

I'm so in love.

I've been waiting for love for so long.

And my brain is like, you know what?

If I tell this person, oh my God, this person is so great.

If I tell the human body that I'm inhabiting, if I tell this dumbass all oak that...

This person, these are all red flags and you shouldn't be in love with this person that this is going to end badly.

They just would not.

They would be so devastated.

They would be so crushed.

All Alok wants is to be in love with someone who looks like this and also plays Dota 2 and like they would just be absolutely devastated.

So if we look at defense mechanisms, these are things like narcissistic defense mechanism where I'm suppressing information about literally the mistakes I am making all the time that screw up my relationships and make my work relationships more difficult.

I'm suppressing that because I can't handle it.

So we have narcissistic defense mechanisms, we have things like intellectualization, but we know that there are actually very real ways where we take emotions and information and suppress them in our brain, okay?

And the problem is when we suppress this information, it still comes out in other ways.

So a really good example is like people who are passive aggressive, right?

So people who are passive aggressive are that way because oftentimes they suppress their aggressive tendencies.

So instead of actually like...

fixing like addressing the problem and fixing it hey i'm pissed at you because you forgot my birthday instead of like allowing myself to be pissed and i let i bury that aggression and then i'm fucking passive aggressive with you and it creates toxicity in our relationship because when when you ask me oh look what's wrong are you upset with me i'm like no everything is fine i'm