Dr. Alok Kanojia

So this is what really a lot of people don't understand, is just because you feel emotions does not mean that emotions are not active within you.

They're actually turned on, but you've got lidocaine in there so you don't feel them, and they are controlling your behavior.

So there's a lot of numbness, but there are fires going on just like in your case.

The second thing that I think is almost sadder is that many of the men that I work with have problems in their life that they feel like are unsolvable.

So when you can't solve a problem, right?

So when I'm working with, you know, couples where, you know, the wife does discover pornography, you know, I recently was working with someone who basically went through a divorce and their pornography, you said, a huge part of it.

And this person, unfortunately, we weren't able to help them in time.

Like things were too bad.

And so the divorce proceeded.

But over time, you know, what we discovered is that there are all kinds of problems they have in their life.

They don't know how to communicate these with their wife.

And since they don't know how to communicate, the wife is like, well, why are you doing this?

Can you please stop?

It's making me feel X, Y, Z. And they don't even know, they feel so powerless to actually fix these things because now your wife is upset with you.

You don't know how to make her happy.

You try to stop pornography for a little while, but that fuel is still burning, right?

Those emotions are still active.

And then you don't really have anything to deal with

any alternate coping mechanisms that are healthier so so there's an immense feeling of powerlessness and so if you feel if you're a dude out there or woman and you know you're you have a problem with pornography the most important question to ask yourself because everyone thinks it's like oh you're a sexual fetish whatever it's not it's is there something in your life that you feel is unsolvable

And really working on that problem, really starting to feel empowered, right?