Dr. Angela Duckworth

And even when you look at them behind the scenes and you like, you know, the hours that they practice, they look like they're doing it on their own.

And to some extent, that's true.

In fact, when you do that high quality deliberate practice, it is more typically done alone than it is in the presence of another person, including a coach.

It's not like your coach stands there the whole time where you're concentrating and trying to achieve your goals.

But what I mean by talk to another person is this.

Whether it is a teammate or a mentor or a coach, rather than having the conversation with yourself about your plateau and your lack of motivation and are you on the wrong track and maybe you're going in the wrong direction, have the conversation with another human being.

A teammate can say to you, well, what I've noticed is a mentor or a coach can say, in my experience, what I've found is...

It is something that, and I know you have spoken to the psychologist Ethan Cross, and he is one of my favorite humans and a very good friend.

This idea of psychological distance, right?

You are trying to have a little distance on your problem so you can think about it objectively.

I mean, maybe you are in a rut and maybe you should be doing something differently, or maybe you're overtraining, or maybe there's something you could try that you haven't tried.

If you try to create some psychological distance yourself,

you can partially succeed.

You can say, Mel, what's the problem to yourself in the mirror?

I can say to myself in the mirror, Angela, what do I think is going on right now?

How can this problem be solved?

But wouldn't it be better if I went to my husband, Jason, or my colleague, Katie, or my friend, Ethan, or my mentor, Carol?

Because they have actual psychological distance because they are not me.

So I think one of the mistakes people make when they are feeling exhausted, when they are on the verge of burnout, is they dig deeper and they look inward.

And almost always, you are much better off looking outward.