Dr. Anna Lembke

I'd always been a reader and in particular a reader of novels. In my own way, that was how as a child I self-soothed was to escape into the fantasy life of novels. But I never had what I would call a problem with it. And then one day I heard another mother at school said that she was reading this great book. It was called Twilight. It was about these vampires. And she was going on and on about it.

I'd always been a reader and in particular a reader of novels. In my own way, that was how as a child I self-soothed was to escape into the fantasy life of novels. But I never had what I would call a problem with it. And then one day I heard another mother at school said that she was reading this great book. It was called Twilight. It was about these vampires. And she was going on and on about it.

And I read it. And I can't tell you what it was, but it was just like the key in my particular lock. It was completely transporting. It just released a lot of dopamine is all I can imagine in my brain's reward pathway. And so I read the whole series and then I read the series again and I read it again. And of course, by the third or fourth time, it wasn't as, you know, reinforcing.

And I read it. And I can't tell you what it was, but it was just like the key in my particular lock. It was completely transporting. It just released a lot of dopamine is all I can imagine in my brain's reward pathway. And so I read the whole series and then I read the series again and I read it again. And of course, by the third or fourth time, it wasn't as, you know, reinforcing.

And I thought to myself, I wonder if there are any more vampire romance novels. And then for me, the real tipping point was I got an e-reader. I got a Kindle. Because what happened was, even before I got the Kindle, I started reading, you know, novels that I would say I would be slightly embarrassed to admit that I was reading, like kind of bodice ripper novels.

And I thought to myself, I wonder if there are any more vampire romance novels. And then for me, the real tipping point was I got an e-reader. I got a Kindle. Because what happened was, even before I got the Kindle, I started reading, you know, novels that I would say I would be slightly embarrassed to admit that I was reading, like kind of bodice ripper novels.

As time went on, I needed more and more, like,

As time went on, I needed more and more, like,

graphic kinds of descriptions in order to find it pleasurable and and by the way that's classic for the addiction narrative right where you start out with a little bit and it goes a long way and then over time you build up tolerance that's neuroadaptation the gremlins pressing down on the pain side of balance now i need more of my drug in more potent forms to get the same effect and

graphic kinds of descriptions in order to find it pleasurable and and by the way that's classic for the addiction narrative right where you start out with a little bit and it goes a long way and then over time you build up tolerance that's neuroadaptation the gremlins pressing down on the pain side of balance now i need more of my drug in more potent forms to get the same effect and

Gradually over time, I started reading more and more graphic, erotic, sexualized versions of this novel. And I was embarrassed, so I would hide that I was reading them. And that gets into the whole double life of addiction, where now we're lying about our use, we're using our drug over here, but pretending like we're not. So my kids or my husband would walk in the room and I would be

Gradually over time, I started reading more and more graphic, erotic, sexualized versions of this novel. And I was embarrassed, so I would hide that I was reading them. And that gets into the whole double life of addiction, where now we're lying about our use, we're using our drug over here, but pretending like we're not. So my kids or my husband would walk in the room and I would be

you know, hiding behind another book, one book behind another book. So it looked like I was reading something, you know, I don't know, more sophisticated. And then the tipping point for me came really when I got a Kindle or an e-reader. And then my reading was totally anonymous. I could read these books anywhere, anytime. No one knew what I was reading.

you know, hiding behind another book, one book behind another book. So it looked like I was reading something, you know, I don't know, more sophisticated. And then the tipping point for me came really when I got a Kindle or an e-reader. And then my reading was totally anonymous. I could read these books anywhere, anytime. No one knew what I was reading.

And as soon as I finished one, I could read another one. And I almost overnight became a chain reader, like literally. When I wasn't doing something else that I had to do, I was reading romance novels one after another after another, which meant I was, you know, less present for my kids, less present for my husband.

And as soon as I finished one, I could read another one. And I almost overnight became a chain reader, like literally. When I wasn't doing something else that I had to do, I was reading romance novels one after another after another, which meant I was, you know, less present for my kids, less present for my husband.

I would often stay up till 2, 3, 4 in the morning on a weeknight reading romance novels. have to get up two hours later, go to work exhausted, not able to be present for my patients, not enjoying my work, gradually getting more depressed, more irritable, more anxious, more insomnia.

I would often stay up till 2, 3, 4 in the morning on a weeknight reading romance novels. have to get up two hours later, go to work exhausted, not able to be present for my patients, not enjoying my work, gradually getting more depressed, more irritable, more anxious, more insomnia.

We went on a family vacation with a family friends of ours, everybody together at this beach house, all the kids playing. I was like hiding in a room reading romance novels. So it And this is exactly what happens with addiction is that our focus narrows and the things that we used to enjoy are no longer pleasurable. Only this one thing has salience for us.

We went on a family vacation with a family friends of ours, everybody together at this beach house, all the kids playing. I was like hiding in a room reading romance novels. So it And this is exactly what happens with addiction is that our focus narrows and the things that we used to enjoy are no longer pleasurable. Only this one thing has salience for us.