Dr. April Ilkmen
Appearances
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
So I told her to get the hell out. And of course she's like, okay, I'm leaving. And on the way out the door, she says, you know what? It's so damn hard living with a narcissist.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Yeah, super insult. So damn hard to live with a narcissist slamming the door. I was just like, wait, what?
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Why did she call me that? So I sit down on the bed and I'm, you know, don't don't angry Google. I was angry Googling.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
So I typed in narcissist in Google and it said, did you mean narcissistic personality disorder?
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
I didn't mean that, but, you know, I got time on my hands now, so let's go down the rabbit hole. So I clicked on it, and literally, it was like, boom. And I started reading the signs and the symptoms and things like that, and I was like, oh, damn.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Kind of like the movie, I always got the kids movie references. Like when I watched the movie Coco, I always wanted to end up on a friend, not just buried and gone and just forgot about. You want to be remembered as somebody who changed the trajectory of your family. You want to have the portrait of yourself in the family house, right? Well, that's Grandpa Lee right there.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
He changed the trajectory of the family right here. What more can I do to leave my mark on the world? What more can I do? So I'm just not a normal person. Normalcy being average is painful. It's like death. It's almost like dying. I want my tombstone to be a statue.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Criticism feels like a truly, like a wound. Like it just doesn't go away. It's just like, sometimes it gets healed up. It's kind of like a scar, right? It gets healed up, but sometimes it'll randomly just burst open. Like literally stuff that I forgot about will pop into my head that somebody said to me in the club when I was 21 years old. And it'll hurt my feelings now. I'm like, but it's hard.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Like when I first meet people, always try to find a way to take them down just in case. If it's not physical violence, of course, it might be like, hmm, what about you can I hurt your feelings with? Just in case you're going to hurt my feelings, how can I hurt your feelings?
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Yeah, just in case. Yep, just in case. Just in case. Just in case they insult me or joke on me. How can I joke on you back to hurt your feelings or get the attention back on you? Because that's how my mind works. It's always like attacking and vengeance.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
There's no medicine. There's no pills or anything like that to take. There's no cure. Go to therapy. So I was just like, oh, well, I guess I have to go to therapy.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
She was like, okay, so what are you doing here at 32 years old? I was like, oh, shit. Okay. I just started crying because I didn't know what to say. I was just like literally just started crying, yeah.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
I was like, I feel like I don't have any emotions. I was like, I just feel like I'm empty inside. And I started crying. She's like, no, you don't, you're crying. So there's something there, you know, there's something in there. You're definitely crying. So there's something in there. It's just, there's something blocking it. We got to figure out a way to kind of lower down the gates.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
She's kind of described it like a castle. You got to figure out a way to lower down the gates because you can't walk around just like sealed up all the time.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
My very first thought is typically the narcissistic reaction. It really, really is. It's kind of like, pow. The first thought is probably going to be self-serving, super defensive, and egotistical, whatever it is. So I have to take my time to respond now. So I take a deep breath. I'm like, okay, okay. I have to ask myself, is that narcissism or is this normal?
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
It's kind of like I have dual thoughts now. I have competing thoughts. It's kind of like it's opened a whole new door up and there's somebody else living up here and they're just like sitting in a room. Like my brain is like there's a narcissistic part of me and a non-narcissist part of me. They're like sitting in the living room arguing, you know.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
I don't know if you ever seen the movie Ratatouille. So there's a scene in Ratatouille at the end when like the food critic eats the ratatouille and it took him back to his childhood. Yeah. That's what happened to me when she said that, like when I started looking up narcissism and a lack of empathy, it took me back to my childhood when I was like in first or second grade.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Didn't listen. Bam, he falls, snaps his arm. And everybody's like, oh, my goodness, Tony's hurt. I'm screaming. I'm angry at Tony now. I don't care that he's hurt. You know, I'm angry as hell. I'm crying angry.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
That he had inconvenienced me. Because now we all had to go inside and now this is the time we get to go outside and play. Now we have to go inside because you made a decision not to listen to me.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
I was like, damn, wow. This is it. I remember texting my wife. I was like, you're right. I am a narcissist. Really? Yeah, that night. Yeah, that night. I was like, you're right. I looked it up. I am a narcissist. I was like, you are 100% on it.
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
How do you deal with these people? How do you live with these people?
Science Vs
Narcissists: Are We Surrounded?
Hey, everybody. My name is Lee Hammack. I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist. One of my monikers has become, like, the self-aware narcissist.