Dr. Becky Kennedy

I don't know if I realized those parts, but you know what is interesting is it brings up the word we kind of mentioned before but didn't talk about, and maybe it'll be surprising that I say this, is shame. And I think shame...

I don't know if I realized those parts, but you know what is interesting is it brings up the word we kind of mentioned before but didn't talk about, and maybe it'll be surprising that I say this, is shame. And I think shame...

is the biggest blocker to learning and shame I think could be defined like a lot of things in many ways but it's the experience of aloneness I think shame is the feeling you have when you kind of feel like a part of you is not attachable so for a kid that's an existential threat to not be in attachment with someone and in that way when you're not attachable you're alone you're alone

is the biggest blocker to learning and shame I think could be defined like a lot of things in many ways but it's the experience of aloneness I think shame is the feeling you have when you kind of feel like a part of you is not attachable so for a kid that's an existential threat to not be in attachment with someone and in that way when you're not attachable you're alone you're alone

is the biggest blocker to learning and shame I think could be defined like a lot of things in many ways but it's the experience of aloneness I think shame is the feeling you have when you kind of feel like a part of you is not attachable so for a kid that's an existential threat to not be in attachment with someone and in that way when you're not attachable you're alone you're alone

And so, so many of the things that happen with our kids, because I'll model another story and maybe I'll get some flack for this because it's probably counterintuitive. But I think about like one of my kids, my resilient rebel, who was in a hitting stage when he was younger. hitting. And he was just also in like a, it was in like a couple of weeks he was hitting.

And so, so many of the things that happen with our kids, because I'll model another story and maybe I'll get some flack for this because it's probably counterintuitive. But I think about like one of my kids, my resilient rebel, who was in a hitting stage when he was younger. hitting. And he was just also in like a, it was in like a couple of weeks he was hitting.

And so, so many of the things that happen with our kids, because I'll model another story and maybe I'll get some flack for this because it's probably counterintuitive. But I think about like one of my kids, my resilient rebel, who was in a hitting stage when he was younger. hitting. And he was just also in like a, it was in like a couple of weeks he was hitting.

And then, and there was this one, there was this one time where we were doing a family puzzle and he was younger. He was probably like three. It was really hard. It was more for my older kids. He was kind of doing his own thing. I think he was playing with blocks on the side. We leave, we come back and like, A couple of the puzzle pieces were missing that were in. And I just knew, I knew it.

And then, and there was this one, there was this one time where we were doing a family puzzle and he was younger. He was probably like three. It was really hard. It was more for my older kids. He was kind of doing his own thing. I think he was playing with blocks on the side. We leave, we come back and like, A couple of the puzzle pieces were missing that were in. And I just knew, I knew it.

And then, and there was this one, there was this one time where we were doing a family puzzle and he was younger. He was probably like three. It was really hard. It was more for my older kids. He was kind of doing his own thing. I think he was playing with blocks on the side. We leave, we come back and like, A couple of the puzzle pieces were missing that were in. And I just knew, I knew it.

He saw it. I know most generous interpretation. He felt like, oh my God, I can't participate in what the rest of the family is doing. And so you know what I'm going to do? Because I'm a smart kid. I'm just going to stop them from participating. And so I'm going to take the puzzle pieces and hide them. I knew it. I know him. So we come back and we'd worked really hard on this puzzle.

He saw it. I know most generous interpretation. He felt like, oh my God, I can't participate in what the rest of the family is doing. And so you know what I'm going to do? Because I'm a smart kid. I'm just going to stop them from participating. And so I'm going to take the puzzle pieces and hide them. I knew it. I know him. So we come back and we'd worked really hard on this puzzle.

He saw it. I know most generous interpretation. He felt like, oh my God, I can't participate in what the rest of the family is doing. And so you know what I'm going to do? Because I'm a smart kid. I'm just going to stop them from participating. And so I'm going to take the puzzle pieces and hide them. I knew it. I know him. So we come back and we'd worked really hard on this puzzle.

Of course, you're angry. But again, I can either do nothing on the outside or do nothing on the inside. In that moment, not always, but chose to be an adult. And I was just like, I know you took the puzzle pieces. I just want, you know, and he's like, what are you talking? No, I didn't. You know, maybe he's four. No, I didn't. And I was like, we're working on this puzzle. I get that.

Of course, you're angry. But again, I can either do nothing on the outside or do nothing on the inside. In that moment, not always, but chose to be an adult. And I was just like, I know you took the puzzle pieces. I just want, you know, and he's like, what are you talking? No, I didn't. You know, maybe he's four. No, I didn't. And I was like, we're working on this puzzle. I get that.

Of course, you're angry. But again, I can either do nothing on the outside or do nothing on the inside. In that moment, not always, but chose to be an adult. And I was just like, I know you took the puzzle pieces. I just want, you know, and he's like, what are you talking? No, I didn't. You know, maybe he's four. No, I didn't. And I was like, we're working on this puzzle. I get that.

It's probably frustrating, but like you need, I'm not, I didn't have the puzzle pieces. That was not working. And then this is truly going back to stories and going back to shame. If you feel like you're the bad kid who's doing bad things and you're the only one who's like that, you are shut down from learning.

It's probably frustrating, but like you need, I'm not, I didn't have the puzzle pieces. That was not working. And then this is truly going back to stories and going back to shame. If you feel like you're the bad kid who's doing bad things and you're the only one who's like that, you are shut down from learning.

It's probably frustrating, but like you need, I'm not, I didn't have the puzzle pieces. That was not working. And then this is truly going back to stories and going back to shame. If you feel like you're the bad kid who's doing bad things and you're the only one who's like that, you are shut down from learning.