Dr. Becky Kennedy

So let's say there's something really awful. I don't know. As a parent, you're a family member. Someone died of cancer. I don't know. There's something really horrible that you just found out, right? There's wildfires right now. Let's say you evacuated and you found out your house burned down. You're sad. Your child is going to notice that and you want your child to notice that.

So let's say there's something really awful. I don't know. As a parent, you're a family member. Someone died of cancer. I don't know. There's something really horrible that you just found out, right? There's wildfires right now. Let's say you evacuated and you found out your house burned down. You're sad. Your child is going to notice that and you want your child to notice that.

So let's say there's something really awful. I don't know. As a parent, you're a family member. Someone died of cancer. I don't know. There's something really horrible that you just found out, right? There's wildfires right now. Let's say you evacuated and you found out your house burned down. You're sad. Your child is going to notice that and you want your child to notice that.

You don't want your kid to be a teenager and adult who goes around the world unable to pick up on emotional cues from other people. That's not adaptive. And so the patterns we set with our kids when they're young inform their view of the world when they're older. And so here I am, let's say it's the situation of somebody dying and I'm upset.

You don't want your kid to be a teenager and adult who goes around the world unable to pick up on emotional cues from other people. That's not adaptive. And so the patterns we set with our kids when they're young inform their view of the world when they're older. And so here I am, let's say it's the situation of somebody dying and I'm upset.

You don't want your kid to be a teenager and adult who goes around the world unable to pick up on emotional cues from other people. That's not adaptive. And so the patterns we set with our kids when they're young inform their view of the world when they're older. And so here I am, let's say it's the situation of somebody dying and I'm upset.

First of all, as a parent, tell yourself, it's not my kid seeing me sad that's going to destabilize them. It's seeing me sad and me making up a bogus story or denying it because then my kid goes, pretty sure my mom was upset. Oh, she's not? Oh, she's pretending like nothing happened? Oh, she looks sad, but she's saying she's not sad. That is really upsetting.

First of all, as a parent, tell yourself, it's not my kid seeing me sad that's going to destabilize them. It's seeing me sad and me making up a bogus story or denying it because then my kid goes, pretty sure my mom was upset. Oh, she's not? Oh, she's pretending like nothing happened? Oh, she looks sad, but she's saying she's not sad. That is really upsetting.

First of all, as a parent, tell yourself, it's not my kid seeing me sad that's going to destabilize them. It's seeing me sad and me making up a bogus story or denying it because then my kid goes, pretty sure my mom was upset. Oh, she's not? Oh, she's pretending like nothing happened? Oh, she looks sad, but she's saying she's not sad. That is really upsetting.

It would be like hearing your boss say, oh, yeah, 20% layoffs. What are we doing? I don't know. Oh, hi. Everything's great. How are you?

It would be like hearing your boss say, oh, yeah, 20% layoffs. What are we doing? I don't know. Oh, hi. Everything's great. How are you?

It would be like hearing your boss say, oh, yeah, 20% layoffs. What are we doing? I don't know. Oh, hi. Everything's great. How are you?

Scary.

Scary.

Scary.

What you'd want is your boss to say, you just heard something. You were right to hear that. We are about to go through a really tough time. I'm stressed about it. That's why I yelled. You might be stressed. Here's what I know. This is going to be hard and we're going to get through it together. Now, all of a sudden, that emotional experience has a container. It has a story. Humans need stories.

What you'd want is your boss to say, you just heard something. You were right to hear that. We are about to go through a really tough time. I'm stressed about it. That's why I yelled. You might be stressed. Here's what I know. This is going to be hard and we're going to get through it together. Now, all of a sudden, that emotional experience has a container. It has a story. Humans need stories.

What you'd want is your boss to say, you just heard something. You were right to hear that. We are about to go through a really tough time. I'm stressed about it. That's why I yelled. You might be stressed. Here's what I know. This is going to be hard and we're going to get through it together. Now, all of a sudden, that emotional experience has a container. It has a story. Humans need stories.

We like stories. And so often we think it's the emotions that dysregulate a kid. It's the lack of a story to explain it. So let's say this really did happen. People always say to me, okay, but... Dr. Becky, my kid is four. I'm going to say that their aunt died. They don't even know cancer, right? We don't have a better alternative.

We like stories. And so often we think it's the emotions that dysregulate a kid. It's the lack of a story to explain it. So let's say this really did happen. People always say to me, okay, but... Dr. Becky, my kid is four. I'm going to say that their aunt died. They don't even know cancer, right? We don't have a better alternative.