Dr. Becky Kennedy

We like stories. And so often we think it's the emotions that dysregulate a kid. It's the lack of a story to explain it. So let's say this really did happen. People always say to me, okay, but... Dr. Becky, my kid is four. I'm going to say that their aunt died. They don't even know cancer, right? We don't have a better alternative.

I can't even tell you how many parents I've seen whose kids have all of these issues because of the made-up stories. I just said she went to sleep for a while. Six months later, my kid has a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. Yeah, they haven't seen their aunt who went to sleep one time. You know, it creates a huge issue no matter what bogus story you make up. Kids can handle the truth.

I can't even tell you how many parents I've seen whose kids have all of these issues because of the made-up stories. I just said she went to sleep for a while. Six months later, my kid has a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. Yeah, they haven't seen their aunt who went to sleep one time. You know, it creates a huge issue no matter what bogus story you make up. Kids can handle the truth.

I can't even tell you how many parents I've seen whose kids have all of these issues because of the made-up stories. I just said she went to sleep for a while. Six months later, my kid has a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. Yeah, they haven't seen their aunt who went to sleep one time. You know, it creates a huge issue no matter what bogus story you make up. Kids can handle the truth.

And they can handle the truth when it's told to them from a loving, trusted adult. It's kind of like me and you. Someone can tell us a hard truth, but it's from someone you feel safe with and that you feel like also believes in you and says that honestly, it might be hard, but it doesn't feel awful. So... It's about saying to your kid, you saw me crying.

And they can handle the truth when it's told to them from a loving, trusted adult. It's kind of like me and you. Someone can tell us a hard truth, but it's from someone you feel safe with and that you feel like also believes in you and says that honestly, it might be hard, but it doesn't feel awful. So... It's about saying to your kid, you saw me crying.

And they can handle the truth when it's told to them from a loving, trusted adult. It's kind of like me and you. Someone can tell us a hard truth, but it's from someone you feel safe with and that you feel like also believes in you and says that honestly, it might be hard, but it doesn't feel awful. So... It's about saying to your kid, you saw me crying.

One of my favorite kind of sentences to say to kids around this, because I think it really builds their confidence, is just, you were right to notice that. I was crying, and I'm feeling sad. And look, you saw that. I'm going to tell you why. Making this up, Aunt Sally died. Do you know what dying means? Dying is when someone's body stops working.

One of my favorite kind of sentences to say to kids around this, because I think it really builds their confidence, is just, you were right to notice that. I was crying, and I'm feeling sad. And look, you saw that. I'm going to tell you why. Making this up, Aunt Sally died. Do you know what dying means? Dying is when someone's body stops working.

One of my favorite kind of sentences to say to kids around this, because I think it really builds their confidence, is just, you were right to notice that. I was crying, and I'm feeling sad. And look, you saw that. I'm going to tell you why. Making this up, Aunt Sally died. Do you know what dying means? Dying is when someone's body stops working.

Then I'd pause, write something, just be a monologue. I'll see how my kid responds. I might add... I'm not dying. Kids actually really need to hear that in hard times. I'm not dying. No one else is dying. I'm safe. And you know what? I'm sad. And I'm still your strong mom who can take care of you.

Then I'd pause, write something, just be a monologue. I'll see how my kid responds. I might add... I'm not dying. Kids actually really need to hear that in hard times. I'm not dying. No one else is dying. I'm safe. And you know what? I'm sad. And I'm still your strong mom who can take care of you.

Then I'd pause, write something, just be a monologue. I'll see how my kid responds. I might add... I'm not dying. Kids actually really need to hear that in hard times. I'm not dying. No one else is dying. I'm safe. And you know what? I'm sad. And I'm still your strong mom who can take care of you.

That sets the stage for such resilience and is kind of the opposite of everything's fine, my kid keeps seeing me crying, they keep hearing words they're not used to hearing, die, cancer, Aunt Sally, funeral, whatever it is. That situation is what makes kids feel really, really uncomfortable and unsafe.

That sets the stage for such resilience and is kind of the opposite of everything's fine, my kid keeps seeing me crying, they keep hearing words they're not used to hearing, die, cancer, Aunt Sally, funeral, whatever it is. That situation is what makes kids feel really, really uncomfortable and unsafe.

That sets the stage for such resilience and is kind of the opposite of everything's fine, my kid keeps seeing me crying, they keep hearing words they're not used to hearing, die, cancer, Aunt Sally, funeral, whatever it is. That situation is what makes kids feel really, really uncomfortable and unsafe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's exactly right. And the terms I would use to match your terms are coherent narrative. What is therapy? Why does therapy help people? It's interesting. Therapy doesn't change what happened to you. Therapy doesn't change your past. Therapy does not take away the pain. But the pain was never the thing that really got in our way. It was the pain plus a lack of a coherent narrative and support.