Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
about their behavior. And it's not only about their early patterns that are going to impact them the rest of their life, but it's actually the adults they become and the decisions they make. And at the end of the day, the adults are the people who rule the world. Even now, as a founder, because Good Insight is a tech company. We have this amazing app.
All these people who want to optimize every area of their life. That is what our app is. It is AI. It is all the things. It is right there. It's technologically sophisticated. And I take pride in the fact that as a CEO of a startup, I have an executive coach. My founder friends, if I ever heard any of them say, I would never get a coach, I don't think they'd get an investor to invest in them.
I think they'd be like, I think we can create a world where parents kind of brag about the education they're getting. You remember when you went home from the hostel, you're like, what do I need? And they're like, a car seat. And you're like, okay, that's it?
It's really nasty because then what happens when parenting is hard is if we're told it should come naturally and we should be able to figure it out from Instagram clips, then we just blame ourselves. We feel like something's wrong with us. We feel like a failure.
This whole comes naturally thing, that has actually held people back for years, which then holds back the next generation because we just pass on our issues to them. And so I'm actually very heartened by this generation of how many of them are saying, I'm going to be on Instagram. I'm going beyond a podcast here and there. I actually don't care about anything like I care about my kids.
And it's time for me to put my dollars and my energy into the things I really value. And I have so much hope that this is the generation that's going to create very resilient kids. And by the way, build their own resilience as adults along their way.
So I don't like the idea that we have to learn 20 million different things. That's overwhelming for me as a parent. So I think the things that are missing came more naturally in the past. More space to figure things out, more time, less supervision. Like, I don't think we had as many parents rescuing kids because we didn't have so much instant gratification in our life as parents.
And so our tolerance for our kids tantruming about a puzzle was higher because we're like, what else am I going to do than tolerate this tantrum?
So the thing I think these kids are missing is a space to struggle, to not know, to be left out sometimes, to not be able to read right away, to just be able to struggle and muddy your way through it, and to also not have your parents watching and orchestrating every moment to put you in a bubble. Like, I can't even tell you how many people I know. And again, it's such good intentions.
Call the school. My kid has to be with Jordan and Chris in class next year. They have to be with their best friends. And I'm like, I don't think people did that when we were kids. I don't even think they knew the number to call. There probably wasn't a number to call. And what I hear is, and again, there's nuance. There's always nuance. But Oh, my goodness. Like, I really believe this for my kids.
I would never want to deprive them of the opportunity to find out they're in a class with none of their friends. Because what they will have to figure out that year is going to be so helpful for them when they're older. And so I think this goes back to that do less, do nothing, and really think my job again isn't to keep my kid happy. It's actually...
to optimize for resilience, which means creating an environment that represents adulthood. We can support our kids, but supporting and solving are very different things.
Okay, Jordan, confidence. I think we think confidence is a kid feeling good about themselves. I don't think that's what it is. I think confidence is self-trust. And I think they're very different because if you're optimizing for your kid feeling good about themselves, you tend to actually build a lot of self mistrust around any emotional experience that is distressing. So here's an example.
The reading is a good example, but another example, maybe your kid saying, all these other kids on my travel baseball team have gotten like really good. I don't know if I'm going to make it this year. Okay. And then we say things to our kid. Maybe we're like, that's true. I kind of know my kid's not going to make it this year. Now, I don't recommend saying it's true.
You're really not good at baseball. Obviously, that's not what I would say. But I think we say these things to our kids, maybe even after they don't make the team. That tryout was so unfair. This coach really has something against you. We think that's building confidence because we're trying to optimize for good.
If we're optimizing for self-trust after my kid doesn't make the team, I might even say, look, you even noticed it earlier. Some of these kids over the summer, they're hitting the ball a lot farther and they're pitching a lot faster. And when I hear my kids say, it's so unfair. The coach has it out for me.
What I'd probably say if I was on my game, I don't know if I would be because none of us are perfect, is you're really disappointed you didn't make the team. This is actually a huge thing. And I'm going to say it, especially with boys, is they tend to take their vulnerable feelings and turn it into kind of indignation and anger and orient out almost like someone must have done this feeling to me.
Who did this vulnerable feeling to me? And I actually think this can't happen overnight. Our job is to help our kids almost reclaim their feelings. It's not about fairness. My kid is disappointed. I am on this with my kids about referees. Nothing bothers me so much as at the end of a game, I hear these kids being like... Oh, we lost the game. That ref was awful.
To me, it's like such early entitlement, which really is just the inability to tolerate your own frustration. That's all entitlement is. This can't be my frustration. Who did this to me? It's the referee, right? And it's like, I can't have this feeling, so I vomit it onto someone else. To me, when I hear that,
And I think about confidence, which again, confidence isn't your ability to get a win every time. Confidence is your ability to have a bad loss and then say, what did I do? What could I do differently? What part is actually under my control? Which again, you think an NBA player, like their best strategy after losing game is blaming the ref. Again, it's pathetic.
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