Dr. Becky Kennedy

Again, I actually think that's a bench you're on at various moments in every decade of your life. So my kid is sitting on the bench and we either want to pull them off the bench and we're like, look at that sunny bench. Or we do something that's also well-intentioned but harmful is we say something like, you don't really feel that way. We kind of say your bench isn't your bench.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

No, no, no, it's not that big of a deal. That can't be true. And so what happens is our kid is feeling upset, quote, on this bench. And then they learn my parent is also scared of me being on this bench. So actually what happens in their body is they encode their difficult feeling next to our fear of their difficult feeling.

It should be no surprise that when our kid doesn't make the soccer team the next year, our kid has that much more of a kind of tantrum reaction because they have learned how to react to that feeling. It has a lot to do with how we respond to the feeling. And so resilience building in that moment and actually confidence and capability building means saying something back to your kid simple.

It should be no surprise that when our kid doesn't make the soccer team the next year, our kid has that much more of a kind of tantrum reaction because they have learned how to react to that feeling. It has a lot to do with how we respond to the feeling. And so resilience building in that moment and actually confidence and capability building means saying something back to your kid simple.

It should be no surprise that when our kid doesn't make the soccer team the next year, our kid has that much more of a kind of tantrum reaction because they have learned how to react to that feeling. It has a lot to do with how we respond to the feeling. And so resilience building in that moment and actually confidence and capability building means saying something back to your kid simple.

I'm so glad you're talking to me about this. I believe you. Tell me more. Oh, that sounds like a hard day at school. I'm actually just saying this thing that overwhelms you doesn't overwhelm me. And more so, I still like you when you feel this way. I don't have to escape from it. That means, let's fast forward to... Someone got a promotion in your analyst class before you did.

I'm so glad you're talking to me about this. I believe you. Tell me more. Oh, that sounds like a hard day at school. I'm actually just saying this thing that overwhelms you doesn't overwhelm me. And more so, I still like you when you feel this way. I don't have to escape from it. That means, let's fast forward to... Someone got a promotion in your analyst class before you did.

I'm so glad you're talking to me about this. I believe you. Tell me more. Oh, that sounds like a hard day at school. I'm actually just saying this thing that overwhelms you doesn't overwhelm me. And more so, I still like you when you feel this way. I don't have to escape from it. That means, let's fast forward to... Someone got a promotion in your analyst class before you did.

What do we want for our kid is to figure that out. What happened? What's going on? Let me stick with it. Not to say the next day I quit my job. And so a lot of that, though, it doesn't happen just when you're 22. It happens from all the resilience building blocks that have already been set as a pattern in much earlier days.

What do we want for our kid is to figure that out. What happened? What's going on? Let me stick with it. Not to say the next day I quit my job. And so a lot of that, though, it doesn't happen just when you're 22. It happens from all the resilience building blocks that have already been set as a pattern in much earlier days.

What do we want for our kid is to figure that out. What happened? What's going on? Let me stick with it. Not to say the next day I quit my job. And so a lot of that, though, it doesn't happen just when you're 22. It happens from all the resilience building blocks that have already been set as a pattern in much earlier days.

Yeah, I don't think dismissing someone's feelings or minimizing it or distracting, I would say none of that is going to help them build resilience. Our kids can only learn to tolerate the range of feelings we tolerate in them. That's what resilience comes from. Essentially, every feeling is overwhelming to a kid because, again, kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills.

Yeah, I don't think dismissing someone's feelings or minimizing it or distracting, I would say none of that is going to help them build resilience. Our kids can only learn to tolerate the range of feelings we tolerate in them. That's what resilience comes from. Essentially, every feeling is overwhelming to a kid because, again, kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills.

Yeah, I don't think dismissing someone's feelings or minimizing it or distracting, I would say none of that is going to help them build resilience. Our kids can only learn to tolerate the range of feelings we tolerate in them. That's what resilience comes from. Essentially, every feeling is overwhelming to a kid because, again, kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills.

And the number one way kids build skills to manage feelings is not from a book. It is not from a class. It is not didactic. It is they absorb the way we react to them when they're in a hard place. And so are basically, quote, sitting down on the bench with them and basically saying, yeah, tell me more about this. And then what happened? And yes, quote, allowing your kid to talk about it.

And the number one way kids build skills to manage feelings is not from a book. It is not from a class. It is not didactic. It is they absorb the way we react to them when they're in a hard place. And so are basically, quote, sitting down on the bench with them and basically saying, yeah, tell me more about this. And then what happened? And yes, quote, allowing your kid to talk about it.

And the number one way kids build skills to manage feelings is not from a book. It is not from a class. It is not didactic. It is they absorb the way we react to them when they're in a hard place. And so are basically, quote, sitting down on the bench with them and basically saying, yeah, tell me more about this. And then what happened? And yes, quote, allowing your kid to talk about it.

They might not want to talk about it, but essentially giving them the message of the things that overwhelm you don't overwhelm me. I don't need to run away from them. That is such a big percentage of how kids build resilience.