Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
And so the only thing I think that relates to is, okay, I let my kids jump on the couch too. My couch looks like shit, to be honest. And again, I'm like, when my kids are out of the house, we'll figure that out. It's not a value. But again, if I think, is that one sign that my kids struggle to hear no and respect it and tolerate frustration?
And if I say, yes, it is, because I just don't really love setting boundaries, that's a different thing. That's not about fun and joy. That's about... poor kind of frustration tolerance environment. But if I say to myself, no, actually, that's just an example of joy and fun. And there's plenty of other situations in life where my kids are learning how to tolerate frustration.
Then again, that feels like an important ingredient in a good home.
That's exactly right. And I think what you're checking in with, Jordan, which is important, is what are my values? And you're saying like, I actually, I value being able to say yes to my kid when I can. Not from a place of fear, but from a place of fun. That's a fun thing to be able to run around on your couch as a kid. And if I value that, then I'm acting in line with my values.
And that's a great parenting decision then.
There's so many big picture things you're saying. A strong belief I have is every parent is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. That's always been true. I really do believe that. That doesn't mean that we necessarily got everything we needed from our parents. They could have been doing the best they could.
And there could be things that we thought, I wish I had more of this or that, which is kind of our opportunity when we become parents, that it's not about blaming your parents. It's about saying, what do I want to take? And what are things I want to do differently?
And the second thing, and this is, again, really I think what Good Insides stands for, the only thing that comes naturally in parenting is how you were parented. Which makes sense. Parenting is a language. Like if you were raised in English and you wanted to speak some Mandarin to your kids, you would never expect to just pick up Mandarin naturally.
Right? You would probably tell a friend. First of all, I think I would say to a friend, that's amazing that you want to speak a new language. That's so cool. You're taking that on. And did you download Duolingo? And the other thing about language that's really helpful to think about it that way is is what language do you think you'd speak to your kid when you're most stressed out and overwhelmed?
back to English. We all go back. And if that happened, I don't think you'd say, oh, all that Mandarin I've been practicing is just not worth anything. I'm back to square one. Okay, you go back to English and then you go back to your Mandarin lessons.
And the reason I think that's so useful is I think it counters what we've been told, that there's a maternal instinct for women that, quote, I should be able to figure this out on my own. This is, to me, good insight is essentially like a great version of parent school. Every other area in our life, a doctor, a lawyer. They get specialized education.
I believe parenting in a way that feels in line with your own values is a skill. Some moments come naturally, but a lot don't because in those moments you probably hear your own parent's voice and anything new feels awkward, not because it's wrong, because it's new.
I mean, without a doubt, I think that is the main thing. But I'll give you another one. Keeping our kids happy to make it even more extreme, what it does is it steals our kids' capability. We steal it. We make ourselves feel capable in the moment and we make our kids feel not capable because we deprive them of the experience of seeing that they can get through hard things and hard emotions.
So I think that is the biggest thing. I think another version of that is this thing I keep hearing. Am I not supposed to say no to my...
kid or I'm not supposed to say no or there's this version of my kid is my friend but again the best friends I have if I was really acting out they would call me out on it like and by the way they do it in a way that lets me know they love me and that's the place they're calling me out from so So I just want parents to think, sure, you want to think about yourself as a friend.
A friend doesn't let another friend do everything they want to their own destruction. And so I think bringing these two things together, there's this real short-term focus. Like, act good inside as they were very long-term greedy. in our parenting approach. Your kids are going to be out of your house way longer than they're going to be in your house. And the stakes only get higher.
So whatever feels hard now, again, it's going to be a bigger stage later on. And the biggest gift you can give your kid What if my kids go into college and adulthood feeling like, I know how to deal with frustration. I know how to bounce back from failure. I know it's okay to feel disappointed and that I have a way to get through it, not just distract myself from it.
I know I'm going to feel jealous of people and I know how to deal with that. That is what makes for really strong, resilient kids. But it requires us to tolerate our own frustration in the moment and not just make a situation easy. I think a lot of people have said to me, like, good inside doesn't really seem like a parenting approach.
Like, it obviously is, but it feels like as applicable to my kids as it does to how I interact with people in the workplace and leadership training. And I think that's all true. I also think we can go a step further. I think these ideas are really relevant to what we see in politics and just in the world in general, where people are increasingly unable to hold two sides.
seemingly oppositional truths at once. People also seem to be struggling with separating who someone is from what someone does. We kind of judge someone based on a single idea or a single behavior, which I would say is the collapse of behavior and identity. I think all of this just points to how impactful it is in terms of what happens in our house with our kids. It's not only...
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