Dr. Betsy Edershile

Really, the core of pathological narcissism is this drive to feel special.

It's sort of an addictive, compulsive need to turn to that feeling of feeling special at the expense of everything else.

Exploitation, which is doing whatever it takes to feel special no matter the cost to others. Entitlement, which is acting as if the world should bend to our will because we're so special. And empathy impairments, that's getting so caught up in that need to feel special that you lose sight of the needs and feelings of others.

That triple E explains all of the worst behaviors in narcissistic personality disorder.

All right, this is somebody who's so focused on themselves that they wreak havoc in relationships. It's pervasive.

The one thing people don't do that I often help them get to is just to be in touch with the questions like, am I safe in this relationship emotionally, physically? Do I like how I'm being treated regardless of where it comes from in this person?

You might want to say... Something like, sweetheart, you're the most important person in my life. And that's why it's so devastating when you dismiss my ideas out of hand. I just feel like somebody I love and care about really doesn't think much of me. It's just heartbreaking. Yeah.

Right? Anybody who has the capacity for empathy at all, you know, that will melt them.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

So that's an empathy prompt.

There's going to be moments where they say something thoughtful or kind, caring, where they appreciate you. You want to catch those.

Yeah, I so appreciate that you invited me to lunch. I just feel so much more motivated to get to the finish line on tasks. So I really want to thank you for that.

It doesn't give them anything to fight with. Gray rock is simply when you respond or interact, you're not emotionally engaged. You're flat. You're not really offering anything.

The mistake people make is explaining themselves or defending. And now you really get things going because the more narcissistic someone is, the more they're going to have to say in response to that. So the last thing you want to do is invite more answers or more reactions.