Dr. Brian Pennie

and I would have been given ethanol on a suit or alcohol as a baby to pacify me and a local anaesthetic but I would have been awake for that pain but there was complications from the surgery I spent weeks in an incubator I was in pain for the first 18 months of my life they weren't giving me pain meds for that either so

I think through classical conditioning, I associate the pain in my inner body with my heartbeat, my breath, because as a baby, you're feeling all those sensations.

So it's no surprise to me that I was terrified of my own body.

2020 when I was writing my book.

So I knew, I knew I, like I knew I had the scar.

And my dad, like, God love him.

He's a lovely man, but he's just very immature in this sense.

Like when I was a kid at 10 years of age, he used to say it to me and I'd laugh.

So he'd say to me, someday that scar is going to go, and I'd open up.

And I'd be like, laughing and all, but terrified at the same time.

And I used to be just rubbing the scar and have this feeling that my scar would open up.

Now, it sounds like it's torturous that he was doing that to me, but it's just what, it's sometimes what men do, you know, that way.

It was my dad trying to have a laugh.

But it was really interesting, like I had the unbelievable pleasure and honor of getting to speak to Dr. Gabor Maté at one stage doing the documentary.

And Gabor says that like my parents drinking wasn't the biggest trauma.

The operation wasn't the biggest trauma.

The biggest trauma was that I didn't tell anyone about it.

I kept it to myself.

I never told anyone.

I felt different.