Dr. Caroline Fleck

So if you'd worked with me, what I would have said to you and taught you and what you would have internalized after me drilling it in over and over again, is that you need to ask yourself one question. Is this an opportunity for problem solving or validation? Should I respond with problem solving or validation?

So if you'd worked with me, what I would have said to you and taught you and what you would have internalized after me drilling it in over and over again, is that you need to ask yourself one question. Is this an opportunity for problem solving or validation? Should I respond with problem solving or validation?

So if you'd worked with me, what I would have said to you and taught you and what you would have internalized after me drilling it in over and over again, is that you need to ask yourself one question. Is this an opportunity for problem solving or validation? Should I respond with problem solving or validation?

If you're not asking yourself that question and you're just shooting from the hip, you're usually going to get it wrong because you're usually going to problem solve.

If you're not asking yourself that question and you're just shooting from the hip, you're usually going to get it wrong because you're usually going to problem solve.

If you're not asking yourself that question and you're just shooting from the hip, you're usually going to get it wrong because you're usually going to problem solve.

Yeah. And so this is and this isn't just in romantic relationships like this applies even at work, right, where it seems like problem solving should be the name of the game. Oh, such a mistake. Ask yourself, is this person seeking validation or do they actually need help here? All right? You can open with validation and then problem solve. There's nothing to say that you can't do both.

Yeah. And so this is and this isn't just in romantic relationships like this applies even at work, right, where it seems like problem solving should be the name of the game. Oh, such a mistake. Ask yourself, is this person seeking validation or do they actually need help here? All right? You can open with validation and then problem solve. There's nothing to say that you can't do both.

Yeah. And so this is and this isn't just in romantic relationships like this applies even at work, right, where it seems like problem solving should be the name of the game. Oh, such a mistake. Ask yourself, is this person seeking validation or do they actually need help here? All right? You can open with validation and then problem solve. There's nothing to say that you can't do both.

It's just in any one moment, you can only respond with one or the other. All right? And if all else fails, if you, in that moment, shoot from the hip and do the problem solving thing and she responds poorly, then that's your cue to validate. So although this is what I mean in that it is just kind of these are these strategies you kind of learn. To ask yourself and operate off of.

It's just in any one moment, you can only respond with one or the other. All right? And if all else fails, if you, in that moment, shoot from the hip and do the problem solving thing and she responds poorly, then that's your cue to validate. So although this is what I mean in that it is just kind of these are these strategies you kind of learn. To ask yourself and operate off of.

It's just in any one moment, you can only respond with one or the other. All right? And if all else fails, if you, in that moment, shoot from the hip and do the problem solving thing and she responds poorly, then that's your cue to validate. So although this is what I mean in that it is just kind of these are these strategies you kind of learn. To ask yourself and operate off of.

It's almost like an algorithm. Like it's pretty easy to kind of internalize with enough repetition.

It's almost like an algorithm. Like it's pretty easy to kind of internalize with enough repetition.

It's almost like an algorithm. Like it's pretty easy to kind of internalize with enough repetition.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, so when you're applying for grad school in psychology, you're supposed to talk all about like, you know, why do you want to be a clinical psychologist? And everyone talks about their like deep research interests and all of that. And I did too. And that was all bullshit.

Yeah, so when you're applying for grad school in psychology, you're supposed to talk all about like, you know, why do you want to be a clinical psychologist? And everyone talks about their like deep research interests and all of that. And I did too. And that was all bullshit.