Dr. Clare Crowe

I think we start with a question I get asked most by parents of teens, which is how do I talk to my teenager?

And the answer I give them always shocks them, Clare, because I tell them you don't.

Or at least you don't start with a conversation because we tend to want to deep dive in, to fix the distance, to close that gap, to open up the closed doors, to take away the headphones.

But actually, that's not how relationships work.

We need to build some elements of fun and engagement and connection back into the relationship.

before we can have conversation.

The big chat is a no.

We start with, again, I'm going to shock you now, but we start with play.

And why I say... OK, I can see people going, that's going to be difficult.

I know, I know, because you're thinking, what, how am I going to have a game with my teenager?

I can't get two words from them.

But the truth is, play and games have always been part of our kind of cultural heritages to build connection.

So I was thinking I went to an Indian wedding about 20 years ago.

I remember being struck by how many games they played at the start of the wedding.

And I know that seems like it's for fun, but it's also to break down tension, to build up early trust and connection.

And the reason they did that, of course, in Indian weddings was because the bride and groom didn't know one another.

And often for parents, they've reached a point with their teenager where they feel like, I don't quite know you anymore.

So play becomes this really important piece that creates that relationship again.

So for parents, I would say, name it.

Say to your teenager, I want to spend more time with you.