Dr. David Burns

Should we answer that question first? Yeah. Before we go on, I think that can be answered by doing a paradoxical cost-benefit analysis. And you can make a list of all the advantages and benefits of ignoring. Well, first of all, positive reframing isn't about your positive points. Or your positive qualities. That's called cheerleading, and everyone resists cheerleading.

So the reason you're running into resistance may be that you're trying to cheer yourself up by listing all the wonderful things about you. And I hate it when people do that. I've never once seen that be helpful, although we're doing some research on hypnosis, giving people positive suggestions, and maybe it will cheer them up.

So the reason you're running into resistance may be that you're trying to cheer yourself up by listing all the wonderful things about you. And I hate it when people do that. I've never once seen that be helpful, although we're doing some research on hypnosis, giving people positive suggestions, and maybe it will cheer them up.

In positive reframing, you start with a daily mood log in a situation where you're upset. And you didn't send that for us, so this is all going to be abstract and theoretical rather than a specific example, which would have been much more clarifying, I think, for you and for our audience, but it's still important. And then you list all of your negative feelings like...

In positive reframing, you start with a daily mood log in a situation where you're upset. And you didn't send that for us, so this is all going to be abstract and theoretical rather than a specific example, which would have been much more clarifying, I think, for you and for our audience, but it's still important. And then you list all of your negative feelings like...

Depressed, 80%, anxious, 100%, ashamed or guilty, 80%, inferior, 90%, whatever all of these are. And then your negative thoughts like, I'm a loser, I should be better than I am, and so forth. And when you do positive reframing, you ask yourself the following questions. Number one, you can say, is there some truth in these negative thoughts and feelings?

Depressed, 80%, anxious, 100%, ashamed or guilty, 80%, inferior, 90%, whatever all of these are. And then your negative thoughts like, I'm a loser, I should be better than I am, and so forth. And when you do positive reframing, you ask yourself the following questions. Number one, you can say, is there some truth in these negative thoughts and feelings?

You know, are they appropriate given my situation? Like when I'm calling myself a loser or whatever it is, what is the truth in that? Is there some truth there? This is clearly not what you're doing, judging from the paragraph we just read. You're trying to build up your positives, and I'm saying let's build up your negatives.

You know, are they appropriate given my situation? Like when I'm calling myself a loser or whatever it is, what is the truth in that? Is there some truth there? This is clearly not what you're doing, judging from the paragraph we just read. You're trying to build up your positives, and I'm saying let's build up your negatives.

And then the second thing you can do is say, and what are some values of beating up on myself like this and having these negative thoughts and feelings? And can they be motivating, for example? Can anxiety be helpful to you? Does it protect you from danger? Does it keep you vigilant, for example? And then a third question you can ask is what...

And then the second thing you can do is say, and what are some values of beating up on myself like this and having these negative thoughts and feelings? And can they be motivating, for example? Can anxiety be helpful to you? Does it protect you from danger? Does it keep you vigilant, for example? And then a third question you can ask is what...

So what do these negative thoughts and feelings show about me and my core values that's positive and awesome? For example, if you're very self-critical, does this show that you're perfectionistic and have high standards? Mm-hmm.

So what do these negative thoughts and feelings show about me and my core values that's positive and awesome? For example, if you're very self-critical, does this show that you're perfectionistic and have high standards? Mm-hmm.

And then finally, you can ask yourself the question, are there some bad things that would happen if I stopped beating up on myself and making myself feel depressed, angry, anxious, hopeless, and so forth? That's kind of the essence of positive reframing. Those are the kinds of questions you ask yourself.

And then finally, you can ask yourself the question, are there some bad things that would happen if I stopped beating up on myself and making myself feel depressed, angry, anxious, hopeless, and so forth? That's kind of the essence of positive reframing. Those are the kinds of questions you ask yourself.

And if you like, Rhonda, I don't know if that was helpful so far, but we can read the next three paragraphs of his question if you think that might be helpful.

And if you like, Rhonda, I don't know if that was helpful so far, but we can read the next three paragraphs of his question if you think that might be helpful.

Yeah, you never know what kind of question is going to lead people to the insight where you have the aha moment, but we're trying to get to an aha moment. And the aha moment isn't you know, thinking you're some kind of wonderful person, but beginning to see the beauty in your negative self-critical thoughts and your negative feelings. Because most of the time, we feel ashamed of how we feel.

Yeah, you never know what kind of question is going to lead people to the insight where you have the aha moment, but we're trying to get to an aha moment. And the aha moment isn't you know, thinking you're some kind of wonderful person, but beginning to see the beauty in your negative self-critical thoughts and your negative feelings. Because most of the time, we feel ashamed of how we feel.

And one of the next questions, this woman is constantly struggling to keep herself from blushing, or you're trying to control your anxiety or your panic attacks. And that attempt to change and control things often just intensifies them. It's like trying to cheer up someone who's depressed. It never works.