Dr. David Burns

Yeah. Well, I've developed over 100 techniques to help people with negative thoughts that trigger negative feelings. And I can illustrate one of the most powerful. It was the first one I created because when I was going to Beck's seminars, he had about...

He talked about having these distorted thoughts, like with all or nothing thinking and self-blame and mental filtering and hidden should statements. And he had techniques that were innovative at the time, like examine the evidence or do an experiment to test what you're telling yourself or things of that nature. But they were a little intellectual and a little dry.

And I created this technique called the externalization of voices. It was a role-playing technique. And the therapist and patient become the same person, the patient. And one plays the negative voice in the patient's brain, and one plays the positive voice in the nation's brain. And then you go back and forth.

and see if the positive self can defeat the negative self, can crush these negative thoughts. And if you, let me jot down, if you have some negative thoughts, perhaps ones that you've had, that... I'll jot them down here, and then we can use them. If you want to do this, which will be fun, it may succeed, it may fail.

And part of my philosophy is fail as fast as you can, because the faster you fail, the faster you get to the technique that works. And there's so many techniques. But what negative thoughts have you had during moments of self-doubt, or have you?

Um, you know, let me write those down. Okay. Number one, I won't be successful. Yes. And number two, I won't live the life. I want to live. And it's important, listeners, if you're upset, to write down your negative thoughts on a piece of paper. It doesn't seem like much, but it's the vitally important first step. Any others? Those are great. Those are my favorites, by the way.

We have all therapists in the Tuesday group. But I ask them, how many of you sometimes have the thought, I'm not good enough? And at least 90% of the hands go up. And these are theoretically successful mental health professionals.

And I ask, how many of you sometimes struggle pretty severely with believing those thoughts and feeling inadequate and anxious and depressed and down and unhappy, and all the hands go up? And I imagine of the people listening to your show, a good many of them can buy into this. I won't be successful, and I won't have the chance to live the life I want to live. Any others? Those are fabulous.

Yeah, we might have to have a separate session on that. We could record it, and then if you want to publish it, you could publish it. Oh, that'd be great. Because, you know, I've been puzzled about that, because here you are, this hunky, handsome, muscular, smart guy, a charming, warm fellow with dating problems.

And I would be so excited to uncork your champagne bottle and see what's hanging you up. Can you give me a rough idea of what happens that's impairing your dating? Because I would imagine women are throwing themselves at you constantly.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, I love that. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm not attractive. I've always had that thought, too, because when I was little, I was cross-eyed. I had to have surgery, and then I had siblings who had been adopted because my parents thought they couldn't have children.

And I had two sisters that were seven years older, but I didn't know that they were adopted and that I was the only naturally born one because I came along unexpectedly after my parents had given up and adopted three kids. And I think they thought I was spoiled or a brat or whatever. I probably was.

I mean, I don't know, but they used to just tease the hell out of me and called me like bag of bones because I was real skinny. And, you know, and I squinted. I still do. You know, I try to remember, see, my eyes are open. I can't open my eyes. But I used to feel pretty inadequate, I would say intensely inadequate in that way. And I had a fear of cameras up until two years ago.

Because whenever I would take a picture, I'd be squinting. And I had a crooked smile. And they would laugh at me and tell me I looked ridiculous. And I'm sure I did. And so that was something I had to kind of get over as well. So let's just work with these here. Before we challenge them with externalization of voices, let's do a little... you know, kind of paradoxical agenda setting.

And do these four thoughts, I won't be successful, I won't live the life I want to live, I won't find love, and I'm not attractive, are these thoughts upsetting to you?

Yeah, that they're true. And do they make you feel sad and down?

Yeah, hopeless, defeated. Do you feel anxious? How anxious do you feel?

Do you feel guilty or ashamed?

90.

And how hopeless or discouraged?