Dr. Eric Bender

Couples therapy is one of my favorite things to do.

Oh really?

Why is that?

Yeah.

I think it's so interesting to have two people who at some point and hopefully still love each other and are really having a hard time understanding each other because inevitably what I see is they're going through things that are very similar to each other and they're not knowing how to talk about it.

And I want to give space for them to understand each other in ways they never have before and to talk about each other and think about each other in ways they have not even considered.

Trying to point out that while you're seeing your husband having a tantrum, let's figure out what he's actually feeling in the moment.

And then he can say things like, I feel totally alone.

I feel totally disconnected.

And then being able to say to the partner,

Do you hear what your husband's saying?

He feels totally disconnected to you.

Yes, you're seeing all this childish behavior.

No, that is not a good way to get your partner to want to go back to you.

Yes, I think so.

Does that happen?

Yeah.

I mean, I think if for them it feels right, if for their kids, if they have kids, it is right.

Why is it wrong?

Because I wanted them to stay together?