Dr. Erica Komisar

You know, I can't think of any. Maybe, maybe. So the ability to introspect about the good and the bad and integrate the good and the bad is a healthy sign. If you have a friend who can't talk about the sadness of their childhood or a friend who can't talk about the happiness, who can't integrate the good and the bad of their childhood, you know something happened there.

You know, I can't think of any. Maybe, maybe. So the ability to introspect about the good and the bad and integrate the good and the bad is a healthy sign. If you have a friend who can't talk about the sadness of their childhood or a friend who can't talk about the happiness, who can't integrate the good and the bad of their childhood, you know something happened there.

And if you have a friend who won't talk at all, then you really know something happened there. You hit a sensitive spot.

And if you have a friend who won't talk at all, then you really know something happened there. You hit a sensitive spot.

Right. So there's something called Oedipal development, which is sexual development. It's really relational development, but it's sexual development, which is that all little boys... fall in love romantically with their mothers and want to marry them. So all little boys say, I want to marry you, Mommy. Daddy, get lost. It's sort of like that.

Right. So there's something called Oedipal development, which is sexual development. It's really relational development, but it's sexual development, which is that all little boys... fall in love romantically with their mothers and want to marry them. So all little boys say, I want to marry you, Mommy. Daddy, get lost. It's sort of like that.

And all little girls want to be Daddy's little princess and marry Daddy and want Mommy to get lost. And it's this period of about – Oh, three to six. Three to six years old. And I always prepare parents for this. Fathers need to reinforce themselves and feel secure enough so when their little boys who have been their buddies and who have loved them, when their little boys say, They don't react.

And all little girls want to be Daddy's little princess and marry Daddy and want Mommy to get lost. And it's this period of about – Oh, three to six. Three to six years old. And I always prepare parents for this. Fathers need to reinforce themselves and feel secure enough so when their little boys who have been their buddies and who have loved them, when their little boys say, They don't react.

They don't go into a deep depression. They hold it and they say, oh, I get it. You love mommy. That's okay. Same with little girls. If their mothers overreact, become angry at them, reject them, say, oh, you just love your daddy. But if daddies are not present enough... for little girls, it does inform. So our first romantic relationships are with our opposite sex parent.

They don't go into a deep depression. They hold it and they say, oh, I get it. You love mommy. That's okay. Same with little girls. If their mothers overreact, become angry at them, reject them, say, oh, you just love your daddy. But if daddies are not present enough... for little girls, it does inform. So our first romantic relationships are with our opposite sex parent.

So as a little boy, your first romantic relationships with your mother, as a little girl, your first romantic relationships with your father. If your opposite sex parent is not present at all, there's a loss there.

So as a little boy, your first romantic relationships with your mother, as a little girl, your first romantic relationships with your father. If your opposite sex parent is not present at all, there's a loss there.

So, you know, sometimes what can happen is if you don't have a present father or if your father is really just absent or if he's physically present but emotionally absent, you spend your life looking for that kind of Oedipal connection, that kind of admiration, that kind of love, that kind of, you know, for someone to love you in the way that a father loves a little girl.

So, you know, sometimes what can happen is if you don't have a present father or if your father is really just absent or if he's physically present but emotionally absent, you spend your life looking for that kind of Oedipal connection, that kind of admiration, that kind of love, that kind of, you know, for someone to love you in the way that a father loves a little girl.

Well, not necessarily. I mean, sometimes it's too much trust. I mean, if you are hungry and somebody offers you scraps, you'll take the scraps, right? If you're hungry and somebody says, here's some crumbs of a muffin.

Well, not necessarily. I mean, sometimes it's too much trust. I mean, if you are hungry and somebody offers you scraps, you'll take the scraps, right? If you're hungry and somebody says, here's some crumbs of a muffin.

So that's a father who's negligent. But it still leaves that little, it still can leave that little girl with a strong desire to be loved in that way. So it's like a missing, there's a missing piece, right? So you'd say the romantic relationship with the opposite sex parent is a very important part of our sexual development. and our relational development.

So that's a father who's negligent. But it still leaves that little, it still can leave that little girl with a strong desire to be loved in that way. So it's like a missing, there's a missing piece, right? So you'd say the romantic relationship with the opposite sex parent is a very important part of our sexual development. and our relational development.

And so it becomes a missing piece for that child who then grows into that adult. If a father was abusive, to a little girl, then that little girl may do what we call a neurotic repetition, which is she seeks out abusive men because that's the only kind of love that she knew or understood.

And so it becomes a missing piece for that child who then grows into that adult. If a father was abusive, to a little girl, then that little girl may do what we call a neurotic repetition, which is she seeks out abusive men because that's the only kind of love that she knew or understood.