Dr. Erica Komisar

You know what I say to parents is that your life won't be so fabulous if you have children. And you're not present for them physically and emotionally, particularly in the early years, because what happens is they break down and the expression goes that a parent is only as happy as their least happy child. And so there is no fabulous life if your children are breaking down.

You know what I say to parents is that your life won't be so fabulous if you have children. And you're not present for them physically and emotionally, particularly in the early years, because what happens is they break down and the expression goes that a parent is only as happy as their least happy child. And so there is no fabulous life if your children are breaking down.

And that's what families are learning is that, you know, all of that freedom and all that fabulous me time comes at a cost if you have children.

And that's what families are learning is that, you know, all of that freedom and all that fabulous me time comes at a cost if you have children.

And that would be fine. And so there are a lot of people that are saying today, I don't see the value in being responsible for another human being. And what they're missing out on is the deep... and rewarding emotional connection to your children. It's a love like no other love.

And that would be fine. And so there are a lot of people that are saying today, I don't see the value in being responsible for another human being. And what they're missing out on is the deep... and rewarding emotional connection to your children. It's a love like no other love.

But if you've had trauma as a child, if you've had parents who were narcissistic or resented parenting or, you know, were distracted or mentally ill, you know, You may already have had that trauma that implies that later it's harder to connect, right? So those attachment disorders that I was referring to earlier. There's three kinds of attachment disorders.

But if you've had trauma as a child, if you've had parents who were narcissistic or resented parenting or, you know, were distracted or mentally ill, you know, You may already have had that trauma that implies that later it's harder to connect, right? So those attachment disorders that I was referring to earlier. There's three kinds of attachment disorders.

There's the avoidant attachment disorder. So what does that mean? So a healthy attachment looks like this. When you return home, your child feels so securely attached to you, meaning you've gone out for an hour or two for dinner with your spouse. You come home and your baby is happy to see you and the reunion, what we call the reunion, is a beautiful reunion.

There's the avoidant attachment disorder. So what does that mean? So a healthy attachment looks like this. When you return home, your child feels so securely attached to you, meaning you've gone out for an hour or two for dinner with your spouse. You come home and your baby is happy to see you and the reunion, what we call the reunion, is a beautiful reunion.

The baby is joyful and happy and, you know. That's healthy attachment. It means that you've made your baby feel so safe and secure because you are there primarily and have prioritized them the majority of the time as the primary attachment figure that when you come home, your baby welcomes it.

The baby is joyful and happy and, you know. That's healthy attachment. It means that you've made your baby feel so safe and secure because you are there primarily and have prioritized them the majority of the time as the primary attachment figure that when you come home, your baby welcomes it.

But what we're seeing is more and more children developing attachment disorders because their parents are pushing the limits of how much they can leave those babies and putting them in things like institutional care and leaving them for long hours at a time and traveling for their fabulous careers and their fabulous lives.

But what we're seeing is more and more children developing attachment disorders because their parents are pushing the limits of how much they can leave those babies and putting them in things like institutional care and leaving them for long hours at a time and traveling for their fabulous careers and their fabulous lives.

At ages when babies really can't tolerate that kind of separation, when a parent comes, when the primary attachment figure, usually the mother, comes home and the baby turns away from you and turns toward the babysitter or just turns away, that baby has the beginning of what's called an avoidant attachment disorder.

At ages when babies really can't tolerate that kind of separation, when a parent comes, when the primary attachment figure, usually the mother, comes home and the baby turns away from you and turns toward the babysitter or just turns away, that baby has the beginning of what's called an avoidant attachment disorder.

Now, that's correlated later on with things like depression and difficulty forming attachments later on. The next kind of attachment disorder is called an ambivalent attachment disorder, and the mother then comes home, and the baby clings to the mother for dear life because the internal voice in that baby is, my mommy's going to leave me again, so I have to hold on to her.

Now, that's correlated later on with things like depression and difficulty forming attachments later on. The next kind of attachment disorder is called an ambivalent attachment disorder, and the mother then comes home, and the baby clings to the mother for dear life because the internal voice in that baby is, my mommy's going to leave me again, so I have to hold on to her.

Now, that baby is fractious and can't be soothed and will not let go of that mother, you know, holding on for dear life, what I call like the rhesus monkeys did to the wire cages, right? And that's correlated later on with anxiety in youth. The disorganized attachment disorder is different than the other two in that the other two have a strategy. So think of an attachment disorder as a strategy.

Now, that baby is fractious and can't be soothed and will not let go of that mother, you know, holding on for dear life, what I call like the rhesus monkeys did to the wire cages, right? And that's correlated later on with anxiety in youth. The disorganized attachment disorder is different than the other two in that the other two have a strategy. So think of an attachment disorder as a strategy.