Dr. Ethan Kross

I doubt that. And so you really want to follow both of those steps in that order. Listen and then advise. There's an art to doing that well. I'll use my wife here as an example. Is she going to kill you? She might kill me, but it's okay. We love each other. So if my wife came to me with a problem that she was experiencing some chatter about, I

I doubt that. And so you really want to follow both of those steps in that order. Listen and then advise. There's an art to doing that well. I'll use my wife here as an example. Is she going to kill you? She might kill me, but it's okay. We love each other. So if my wife came to me with a problem that she was experiencing some chatter about, I

I would immediately start listening, empathizing, connecting. And when I sensed that she had gotten it out and I really understood the problem, I would ask her for permission. I'd be like, hey, I totally get it. I have a thought. Do you want to keep going or can I share it with you? Sometimes the way that she'll answer that question is, no, I'm not done. Just let me keep going.

I would immediately start listening, empathizing, connecting. And when I sensed that she had gotten it out and I really understood the problem, I would ask her for permission. I'd be like, hey, I totally get it. I have a thought. Do you want to keep going or can I share it with you? Sometimes the way that she'll answer that question is, no, I'm not done. Just let me keep going.

I would immediately start listening, empathizing, connecting. And when I sensed that she had gotten it out and I really understood the problem, I would ask her for permission. I'd be like, hey, I totally get it. I have a thought. Do you want to keep going or can I share it with you? Sometimes the way that she'll answer that question is, no, I'm not done. Just let me keep going.

And then I let her keep going and then I come back to it. At other moments, it'll be, yes, please. What do you think? Let's help me. And so what I love about this framework that I essentially just described that we just talked about is it gives me guideposts for how to steer this conversation.

And then I let her keep going and then I come back to it. At other moments, it'll be, yes, please. What do you think? Let's help me. And so what I love about this framework that I essentially just described that we just talked about is it gives me guideposts for how to steer this conversation.

And then I let her keep going and then I come back to it. At other moments, it'll be, yes, please. What do you think? Let's help me. And so what I love about this framework that I essentially just described that we just talked about is it gives me guideposts for how to steer this conversation.

When someone comes to me, my wife, my friend, my students, whoever, there are these two steps that I follow in the same sequence each time. Step one is I'm there to empathize and connect, listen and learn. Step two, now I'm going to try to help work with the person to broaden their perspective. So this has happened to you before. How'd you deal with it last time?

When someone comes to me, my wife, my friend, my students, whoever, there are these two steps that I follow in the same sequence each time. Step one is I'm there to empathize and connect, listen and learn. Step two, now I'm going to try to help work with the person to broaden their perspective. So this has happened to you before. How'd you deal with it last time?

When someone comes to me, my wife, my friend, my students, whoever, there are these two steps that I follow in the same sequence each time. Step one is I'm there to empathize and connect, listen and learn. Step two, now I'm going to try to help work with the person to broaden their perspective. So this has happened to you before. How'd you deal with it last time?

Or, you know, something like this happened to me and here's what I did. Simple ways for broadening perspective. Like a couple of questions like that you ask, it often... helps the person find the answer. I will often ask people to do a chatter advisor audit. So I'll have people like divide their world into personal and professional.

Or, you know, something like this happened to me and here's what I did. Simple ways for broadening perspective. Like a couple of questions like that you ask, it often... helps the person find the answer. I will often ask people to do a chatter advisor audit. So I'll have people like divide their world into personal and professional.

Or, you know, something like this happened to me and here's what I did. Simple ways for broadening perspective. Like a couple of questions like that you ask, it often... helps the person find the answer. I will often ask people to do a chatter advisor audit. So I'll have people like divide their world into personal and professional.

And then I asked them to list all the names of the people they go to, to talk about the chatter when it erupts. Then I'll explain to them how this art of chatter advising that we've just gone over, that the key to being a good advisor is to empathize, listen, and then Shift into that advising and I'll have them circle the names of the people on their list who do both of those things.

And then I asked them to list all the names of the people they go to, to talk about the chatter when it erupts. Then I'll explain to them how this art of chatter advising that we've just gone over, that the key to being a good advisor is to empathize, listen, and then Shift into that advising and I'll have them circle the names of the people on their list who do both of those things.

And then I asked them to list all the names of the people they go to, to talk about the chatter when it erupts. Then I'll explain to them how this art of chatter advising that we've just gone over, that the key to being a good advisor is to empathize, listen, and then Shift into that advising and I'll have them circle the names of the people on their list who do both of those things.

And I have them cross out the names of the people who don't. The people whose names you circle, that's your advisory board. And it's not always the people that you're closest to.

And I have them cross out the names of the people who don't. The people whose names you circle, that's your advisory board. And it's not always the people that you're closest to.

And I have them cross out the names of the people who don't. The people whose names you circle, that's your advisory board. And it's not always the people that you're closest to.