Dr. Ethan Kross

Since I'm staying at a hotel not far from here, the moment I walked into the hotel, I was awash with this pleasant scent that the hotel has been piping through the ventilation system to make the patrons feel comfortable. We spritz ourselves with chemicals to make ourselves feel good and make other people feel good. Our senses are powerful tools.

Let's talk about other people though, because other people I think are really important. And it touches back to this problem where sometimes you go to other people and we push them away. So how do you find other people in your life to actually help you when it comes to your chatter? or the big emotions you're experiencing. I call these our chatter advisors. How do you find your chatter advisors?

Let's talk about other people though, because other people I think are really important. And it touches back to this problem where sometimes you go to other people and we push them away. So how do you find other people in your life to actually help you when it comes to your chatter? or the big emotions you're experiencing. I call these our chatter advisors. How do you find your chatter advisors?

Let's talk about other people though, because other people I think are really important. And it touches back to this problem where sometimes you go to other people and we push them away. So how do you find other people in your life to actually help you when it comes to your chatter? or the big emotions you're experiencing. I call these our chatter advisors. How do you find your chatter advisors?

You want to look for people who do two things. There are two key steps to providing good chatter support. Step one, you want to listen, empathize, validate, connect with the person. Lots of big terms there, but what I mean is you want to be there emotionally for that person. I want to learn about what you're going through. I really would like to know. what set you off at 5 a.m. the other day?

You want to look for people who do two things. There are two key steps to providing good chatter support. Step one, you want to listen, empathize, validate, connect with the person. Lots of big terms there, but what I mean is you want to be there emotionally for that person. I want to learn about what you're going through. I really would like to know. what set you off at 5 a.m. the other day?

You want to look for people who do two things. There are two key steps to providing good chatter support. Step one, you want to listen, empathize, validate, connect with the person. Lots of big terms there, but what I mean is you want to be there emotionally for that person. I want to learn about what you're going through. I really would like to know. what set you off at 5 a.m. the other day?

Tell me about it. Terrible. I've been there too. Genuinely connecting. What that does is it helps satisfy the person who's suffering these needs they have to feel connected. Once I do that, Then I want to shift into this kind of advice or cognitive mode. So, all right, now we're connected. You can rely on me, but the problem's still there. Let's try to look at it.

Tell me about it. Terrible. I've been there too. Genuinely connecting. What that does is it helps satisfy the person who's suffering these needs they have to feel connected. Once I do that, Then I want to shift into this kind of advice or cognitive mode. So, all right, now we're connected. You can rely on me, but the problem's still there. Let's try to look at it.

Tell me about it. Terrible. I've been there too. Genuinely connecting. What that does is it helps satisfy the person who's suffering these needs they have to feel connected. Once I do that, Then I want to shift into this kind of advice or cognitive mode. So, all right, now we're connected. You can rely on me, but the problem's still there. Let's try to look at it.

And as someone who is not going through the problem myself, I'm in a great position to help put it in perspective for you. Those are the two steps to providing good chatter support. And you would be amazed at how frequently people who are exceptionally well-intentioned don't follow those two steps. There are two ways it breaks down.

And as someone who is not going through the problem myself, I'm in a great position to help put it in perspective for you. Those are the two steps to providing good chatter support. And you would be amazed at how frequently people who are exceptionally well-intentioned don't follow those two steps. There are two ways it breaks down.

And as someone who is not going through the problem myself, I'm in a great position to help put it in perspective for you. Those are the two steps to providing good chatter support. And you would be amazed at how frequently people who are exceptionally well-intentioned don't follow those two steps. There are two ways it breaks down.

Number one, some people think that their job is just give you a sounding board to let it out. Just keep going, right? There's value in that, in connecting and learning. But if that's all we do in a conversation, it can lead to what we call co-rumination. Now we're just kind of bathing ourselves in the problem together.

Number one, some people think that their job is just give you a sounding board to let it out. Just keep going, right? There's value in that, in connecting and learning. But if that's all we do in a conversation, it can lead to what we call co-rumination. Now we're just kind of bathing ourselves in the problem together.

Number one, some people think that their job is just give you a sounding board to let it out. Just keep going, right? There's value in that, in connecting and learning. But if that's all we do in a conversation, it can lead to what we call co-rumination. Now we're just kind of bathing ourselves in the problem together.

And as a function, we often leave the conversation feeling connected, but the problem's still there. That doesn't work. The other thing that doesn't work, you come to me with a problem and within five seconds, Mel, this is simple. I wrote a paper on this. Here's what you need to do. Just do A, B, C, D. You'll be fine. Call me in the morning. We call those people jerks, right? Or Mel Robbins.

And as a function, we often leave the conversation feeling connected, but the problem's still there. That doesn't work. The other thing that doesn't work, you come to me with a problem and within five seconds, Mel, this is simple. I wrote a paper on this. Here's what you need to do. Just do A, B, C, D. You'll be fine. Call me in the morning. We call those people jerks, right? Or Mel Robbins.

And as a function, we often leave the conversation feeling connected, but the problem's still there. That doesn't work. The other thing that doesn't work, you come to me with a problem and within five seconds, Mel, this is simple. I wrote a paper on this. Here's what you need to do. Just do A, B, C, D. You'll be fine. Call me in the morning. We call those people jerks, right? Or Mel Robbins.

I doubt that. And so you really want to follow both of those steps in that order. Listen and then advise. There's an art to doing that well. I'll use my wife here as an example. Is she going to kill you? She might kill me, but it's okay. We love each other. So if my wife came to me with a problem that she was experiencing some chatter about, I