Dr. Forbes Riley

You did this.

Okay, Mom, here's my cell phone for a week.

Yeah, that's a great punishment.

And he said when he got off to school, he said the cool thing is he now knows his consequences, so he's not running around stupid at college like all of his friends.

And he called me to thank me.

Before you get to that.

Okay, yes.

So I'm just going to be chronologically to help you understand.

So anyway, I end up going into this pageant, by the way, and winning.

Oh, God.

Sorry.

Well, that's the crazy part of the story is that I was in the local pageant, got a hand-me-down bridesmaid's dress, but I could see the whys.

I wanted to save my family.

That was my why.

And apparently the judges picked up on that, and I won, and I go off to the Nationals.

Nationals sucked because I'm from New York, and I'm talking like this, and all those girls wanted to be in pageants.

I just wanted a scholarship to college.

They're like, y'all have the funniest accent I've ever heard.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm an accent.