Dr. Gabor Maté

And we're essentially born for love.

It's a developmental need.

And love isn't just how do people feel about us, it's do they see us?

And if they can't see us for who we are because of their own limitations, and a lot of parents have trouble doing that, I certainly did, then the child wants to be seen in a positive way by the parent.

And then they'll change themselves, hide parts of themselves, exaggerate other parts of themselves,

basically create an image that they want the other person to see because they can't see the real person.

So really it comes from our earliest relationships where we were not seen for who we are.

Had we been seen for who we are, we would just accept ourselves and not be so concerned with other people seeing us.

So it goes back to our earliest days in homes where the parents actually loved the child.

We're not blaming the parent here.

We're saying that

the parents own limitations prevent them from seeing their child for exactly who they are, then the child will mold themselves into whoever the parents wants them to be.

Yeah.

Well, that's the key question.

Somewhere I heard you say that people love you, but they may not love you the way you want them to love you.

And we actually have trouble

loving people the way they need to be loved.

We think that love is the feeling that we have for them.

And that's certainly true.

But it's much more than that.