Dr. Gabor Maté

So there's those

self-evident, big T traumas that we call big T trauma, T with a capital T, trauma with a capital T. There's a certain percentage of the population, much larger than we think, subject to that.

If you include all the known factors such as physical, sexual or emotional abuse, spanking, by the way, has not been shown to be as traumatic as harsher forms of physical abuse, spanking, which is still recommended by so-called experts.

who should remain unnamed for the moment, the death of a parent, violence in the family, parental violence against each other, a parent being jailed, a parent being mentally ill, did I say a parent being addicted, a rancorous divorce, these are the identified big traumas, big T traumas, not to mention poverty, not to mention extreme inequality, war and so on.

But then,

If you remember that trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you, it's the wound.

People can be wounded not just by bad things happening to them, but small children can be wounded in loving families where they don't get their needs met.

I mean that's obvious in the physical sense.

If a child doesn't get proper nutrition, their body will suffer, their mind will suffer.

We're also creatures with emotional needs as important as our physical needs.

So when the child's emotional needs are not met, that child is wounded.

And that's what we call small T trauma, which is not the big ticket events, such as I described, but just the child's need to be loved unconditionally, to be held when distressed, to be responded to, to be seen, to be heard, to be allowed their full range of emotion without them being stamped on.

in the name of so-called discipline, the right to play creatively, spontaneously, out there in nature, not with these damn digital gadgets that subvert and hijack the child's imagination, but spontaneous play that's essential for brain development.

So what I'm saying is that when these needs are not for the unconditional loving attachment relationship, when those needs are frustrated, children are also hurt.

And I call that trauma as well because it shows up later in life as the impact of painful wounds.

So trauma in this society, for all kinds of reasons, is far more common than we imagine.

Well, now look, so the two examples you gave, that really peaceful person may be really peaceful for genuinely good reasons, such as they found the milk of human love flowing through their veins and they've had some spiritual reconciliation with the world, or they may have genuinely learned compassion for themselves and others.

But they could also be very nice and peaceful because they're suppressing their healthy anger.

Because they're actually sitting on their rage unconsciously.

Which is going to show up in the form of some kind of health manifestation I guarantee you later on.