Dr. J. Budziszewski

I devoured everything by C.S.

Lewis.

I reread, I'd read it before, but I reread Dante, whom I adore, and had always recognized myself

in his inferno.

And now you have to realize, when I had abandoned faith, there had never been a day when I thought, no, Jesus is not the Son of God.

There came a time when I realized I hadn't been believing that for some time.

There wasn't a moment when I thought, no, there is no God.

I came to realize that I had not been believing in him for some time.

And that's how I came back.

There was no moment on the 28th of June, 6 o'clock in the evening, yes, there is a God, yes, Jesus.

I just realized that I've been believing again.

The fog had cleared, as it were.

The fog had cleared.

That's a good way of putting it.

I've used a different metaphor, but fog is pretty darn good because...

As I said, I'd pretty much taken my mind apart.

But it was like having lived in a dark cellar for years and somebody was throwing back the shutters and all these bolts of light were coming in.

And I use that as a metaphor, but it seemed to me at the time stronger than a metaphor.

I could almost feel the bolts of light were almost palpable.

Coming in here, clearing things up, restoring memories, things that I had refused to allow myself to remember, experiences that I'd refused to allow myself to experience.