Dr. James Hollis

You know, one of them, I've got to earn a living.

One of them, I've got to do this.

In other ones, I have to do that, you see.

But what's all of that frenzy about, you see?

That's why I think the first half of life, and I say this often,

semi-humorously is a huge and unavoidable mistake because we're living just reactively.

You see, it's not generative.

It's reacting to whatever's going on around us.

Is one's entire life to be spent reacting to things?

Now, when you're young, there's only so much ego strength to reflect upon this.

A number of years ago, I was asked to give a talk to an advanced group of college students at a university on the psychodynamics of love.

Well, they were all interested about love, I can tell you, right?

So it was a three-hour seminar.

So for the first 90 minutes, we talked about projection, transference, all these.

They got it.

They were smart kids.

And then we took a short break when we came back and I said, now let's apply these ideas to your current or recent relationships.

It was like the curtain came down.

You know, they were 19, 20, 21, 22 in that area.

They couldn't bear, they could get the idea, but they couldn't bear to look at themselves with that kind of scrutiny.