Dr. James Hollis

But for most people, that which brought them together was running from their parents or replicating their parents' relationships or their insecurity about themselves.

Therefore, they bonded with someone else who was going to take care of that for them.

Whatever it was...

It's been outlived.

Their own natural development, their life circumstances have changed.

And then it brings about, you know, the necessity of some very difficult decisions.

So, you know, marriage is an institution with the best of intentions.

that is sorely tested over time.

Sometimes it'll survive the test.

I would not automatically applaud if somebody's been married 50 or 60 years.

I would ask what has happened to the soul of that person in that relationship.

Has it grown?

Has it developed?

Did they mutually support each other's growth and development?

Or did something get stuck at that point?

And are early family of origin dynamics still dominating that relationship?

And from the outside, we usually don't know the answer to that question.

But inside, you'd have to say, what has happened to this person?

And the same is true with parenting.

You know, parenting is very, very difficult because we'd like to think we know what's right for our own child, but then they have to spend a good part of their life trying to get away from us in some way, as we did ourselves, you see.