Dr. Jamil Zaki

And people's actual experiences are vastly more positive and more fulfilling than their forecasts. So I try to remember this in my own life. I try to realize when my forecasts are too risk averse and too negative and say, let me just jump in. Let me take this chance. If it goes badly, well, fine. And if it goes well, even better.

And people's actual experiences are vastly more positive and more fulfilling than their forecasts. So I try to remember this in my own life. I try to realize when my forecasts are too risk averse and too negative and say, let me just jump in. Let me take this chance. If it goes badly, well, fine. And if it goes well, even better.

The second piece here, though, is not just to take those risks, but to document their effects. I call this encounter counting. So in essence, gathering new data from the world is great, but if you forget those data, well, then the effects might be short-lived. I try to really remember when a social encounter is a mismatch with my expectations.

The second piece here, though, is not just to take those risks, but to document their effects. I call this encounter counting. So in essence, gathering new data from the world is great, but if you forget those data, well, then the effects might be short-lived. I try to really remember when a social encounter is a mismatch with my expectations.

The second piece here, though, is not just to take those risks, but to document their effects. I call this encounter counting. So in essence, gathering new data from the world is great, but if you forget those data, well, then the effects might be short-lived. I try to really remember when a social encounter is a mismatch with my expectations.

I have a relative who, for instance, I disagree with politically quite a bit. And when I was working on this book, I said, let me take a chance. We've known each other for 30 years. We've never talked politics. Let me try. And so I invited her to have this conversation about an issue we really disagree on.

I have a relative who, for instance, I disagree with politically quite a bit. And when I was working on this book, I said, let me take a chance. We've known each other for 30 years. We've never talked politics. Let me try. And so I invited her to have this conversation about an issue we really disagree on.

I have a relative who, for instance, I disagree with politically quite a bit. And when I was working on this book, I said, let me take a chance. We've known each other for 30 years. We've never talked politics. Let me try. And so I invited her to have this conversation about an issue we really disagree on.

And we did not agree by the end of the conversation, but it was an immensely deep and meaningful conversation. And I actually felt like I knew her better, even though we've been close for decades. And I could just say, well, that was nice, and then forget all about it and imagine that any future conversations on disagreement would be terrible.

And we did not agree by the end of the conversation, but it was an immensely deep and meaningful conversation. And I actually felt like I knew her better, even though we've been close for decades. And I could just say, well, that was nice, and then forget all about it and imagine that any future conversations on disagreement would be terrible.

And we did not agree by the end of the conversation, but it was an immensely deep and meaningful conversation. And I actually felt like I knew her better, even though we've been close for decades. And I could just say, well, that was nice, and then forget all about it and imagine that any future conversations on disagreement would be terrible.

But I tried to write down in my journal, sort of, this is what happened. This is how it counteracted my expectations. Try to lock in that learning from the social world so that pleasant surprises hopefully aren't as surprising anymore.

But I tried to write down in my journal, sort of, this is what happened. This is how it counteracted my expectations. Try to lock in that learning from the social world so that pleasant surprises hopefully aren't as surprising anymore.

But I tried to write down in my journal, sort of, this is what happened. This is how it counteracted my expectations. Try to lock in that learning from the social world so that pleasant surprises hopefully aren't as surprising anymore.

Absolutely. I think that it's in essence being skeptical about our beliefs. putting them through their paces, right? Kicking the tires on our own beliefs. And again, this reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy, right? A person who's socially anxious might tell their therapist, I think all my friends secretly hate me. They might believe that to their core.

Absolutely. I think that it's in essence being skeptical about our beliefs. putting them through their paces, right? Kicking the tires on our own beliefs. And again, this reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy, right? A person who's socially anxious might tell their therapist, I think all my friends secretly hate me. They might believe that to their core.

Absolutely. I think that it's in essence being skeptical about our beliefs. putting them through their paces, right? Kicking the tires on our own beliefs. And again, this reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy, right? A person who's socially anxious might tell their therapist, I think all my friends secretly hate me. They might believe that to their core.

It might affect every decision that they make. And the therapist might challenge them and say, well, what's the evidence that you have for that? Are there any instances in your entire life where that seemed to not be true? And to your point from Byron Katie, what would it mean if it weren't true?

It might affect every decision that they make. And the therapist might challenge them and say, well, what's the evidence that you have for that? Are there any instances in your entire life where that seemed to not be true? And to your point from Byron Katie, what would it mean if it weren't true?

It might affect every decision that they make. And the therapist might challenge them and say, well, what's the evidence that you have for that? Are there any instances in your entire life where that seemed to not be true? And to your point from Byron Katie, what would it mean if it weren't true?