Dr. John Gottman

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

86%. Sorry, honey. 86% of the time. And compare that to the times the partner who ended up in an unhappy relationship turned towards each other. That was 33% of the time. That's a huge difference, right? 86%. compared to 33. So you can see how turning toward was so important in the longevity and the happiness of a successful relationship, even six years down the road.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

Okay, so bids for connection in a nutshell are when you are saying something or doing something that is a request for your partner's attention or a request for your partner to fulfill some need of yours. So let's take some subtle examples. Let's say that I've been working in the kitchen, John's in the living room, and he is breathing.

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

I walk in from the kitchen, I sit down on the couch, and I say, what are you reading? Okay, now, he can respond to that in a couple of ways. He can either say, it's just a book on physics, and he'll go back to reading. Or he can be pretty alert to bids for connection and he can say, oh, it's a book on physics. Do you want to hear what it's about?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

And I'll say, yeah, tell me all about it, even though I'll glaze over as you do so. And he does. So that's a bid for connection. Another one might be, let's say I'm working hard in the kitchen again and, uh, He comes in and he says, hmm, what's for dinner? And I say, ah, chicken stew. Then I ask for a knee. Would you mind setting the table?

Well, by then, if he turns away, he's walking out of the kitchen. He's not going to hear the bid for connection. Or he can say, yeah, sure. Simple as that. Sometimes the need is deeper. So a bid for connection might sound like this. It might be, let's say I'm sitting on the couch this time and staring out the window.

Well, by then, if he turns away, he's walking out of the kitchen. He's not going to hear the bid for connection. Or he can say, yeah, sure. Simple as that. Sometimes the need is deeper. So a bid for connection might sound like this. It might be, let's say I'm sitting on the couch this time and staring out the window.

Well, by then, if he turns away, he's walking out of the kitchen. He's not going to hear the bid for connection. Or he can say, yeah, sure. Simple as that. Sometimes the need is deeper. So a bid for connection might sound like this. It might be, let's say I'm sitting on the couch this time and staring out the window.

I've just heard some news on TV that's political and my mouth is turned to the south. It's very down on the corners. Well, I know. John can look at me and say, gosh, what's the matter, honey? And I'll say, God, can I just download with you? Can I just tell you what's going on inside me? I'm just so depressed about what's happening in our country. And he can say, yeah, me too. Let's talk about it.

I've just heard some news on TV that's political and my mouth is turned to the south. It's very down on the corners. Well, I know. John can look at me and say, gosh, what's the matter, honey? And I'll say, God, can I just download with you? Can I just tell you what's going on inside me? I'm just so depressed about what's happening in our country. And he can say, yeah, me too. Let's talk about it.

I've just heard some news on TV that's political and my mouth is turned to the south. It's very down on the corners. Well, I know. John can look at me and say, gosh, what's the matter, honey? And I'll say, God, can I just download with you? Can I just tell you what's going on inside me? I'm just so depressed about what's happening in our country. And he can say, yeah, me too. Let's talk about it.

And then we do. And we may have an hour, two hour long conversation. So, you know, that's a deeper bit for connection. But equally important are those little bids for connection, too, in which we're constantly turning towards each other when the other person asks for something subtly.

And then we do. And we may have an hour, two hour long conversation. So, you know, that's a deeper bit for connection. But equally important are those little bids for connection, too, in which we're constantly turning towards each other when the other person asks for something subtly.