Dr. John Gottman

And then we do. And we may have an hour, two hour long conversation. So, you know, that's a deeper bit for connection. But equally important are those little bids for connection, too, in which we're constantly turning towards each other when the other person asks for something subtly.

Here's another little simple bit for connection. Let's say John is getting ready to get out the door, and he's having a hard time zipping up his jacket, and, you know, keeps messing up with the zipper, and he's trying and trying, and you can hear him making little sounds like... And so all I'll do is I'll just say, let me do it, honey. And I'll figure out a way to zip up his jacket.

Here's another little simple bit for connection. Let's say John is getting ready to get out the door, and he's having a hard time zipping up his jacket, and, you know, keeps messing up with the zipper, and he's trying and trying, and you can hear him making little sounds like... And so all I'll do is I'll just say, let me do it, honey. And I'll figure out a way to zip up his jacket.

Here's another little simple bit for connection. Let's say John is getting ready to get out the door, and he's having a hard time zipping up his jacket, and, you know, keeps messing up with the zipper, and he's trying and trying, and you can hear him making little sounds like... And so all I'll do is I'll just say, let me do it, honey. And I'll figure out a way to zip up his jacket.

You know, it's just simple, simple.

You know, it's just simple, simple.

You know, it's just simple, simple.

Yes, it did. Kiss on the cheek. Right. But, you know, I mean, there's just so many ways that we can be interlinked. And can I bring up something, Drew? Please. Yeah, there's, you know, there's a lot of people out there who've heard that you should never be dependent on each other. You shouldn't lean on each other. You should be independent.

Yes, it did. Kiss on the cheek. Right. But, you know, I mean, there's just so many ways that we can be interlinked. And can I bring up something, Drew? Please. Yeah, there's, you know, there's a lot of people out there who've heard that you should never be dependent on each other. You shouldn't lean on each other. You should be independent.

Yes, it did. Kiss on the cheek. Right. But, you know, I mean, there's just so many ways that we can be interlinked. And can I bring up something, Drew? Please. Yeah, there's, you know, there's a lot of people out there who've heard that you should never be dependent on each other. You shouldn't lean on each other. You should be independent.

You know, you should be able to stand up on your own two feet because if you lean on each other, you'll somehow become symbiotic. You'll depend on each other. Codependent. Codependent. You'll depend on each other too much or something. And I'm here to tell you that there's absolutely no research behind that. It's wrong.

You know, you should be able to stand up on your own two feet because if you lean on each other, you'll somehow become symbiotic. You'll depend on each other. Codependent. Codependent. You'll depend on each other too much or something. And I'm here to tell you that there's absolutely no research behind that. It's wrong.

You know, you should be able to stand up on your own two feet because if you lean on each other, you'll somehow become symbiotic. You'll depend on each other. Codependent. Codependent. You'll depend on each other too much or something. And I'm here to tell you that there's absolutely no research behind that. It's wrong.

The research actually points to the opposite, the exact opposite, that these bids for connection and turning toward are the way of you becoming interdependent. So there is this, I like to think of a golden sphere between the two of you in which the relationship is built, the dynamics of the relationship.

The research actually points to the opposite, the exact opposite, that these bids for connection and turning toward are the way of you becoming interdependent. So there is this, I like to think of a golden sphere between the two of you in which the relationship is built, the dynamics of the relationship.

The research actually points to the opposite, the exact opposite, that these bids for connection and turning toward are the way of you becoming interdependent. So there is this, I like to think of a golden sphere between the two of you in which the relationship is built, the dynamics of the relationship.

And it needs to contain those little bids for connection and a lot of yeses to those bids for connection.

And it needs to contain those little bids for connection and a lot of yeses to those bids for connection.

And it needs to contain those little bids for connection and a lot of yeses to those bids for connection.

You know, I remember one of my teachers actually saying to me a sentence that has accompanied me in my work for decades now. And he said, it's not difficult to be right, but then you will be right and alone.