Dr. John Gottman

But don't you think that this character was really terrible? And you say, no, I actually think that character was really terrible. And we are interested in each other because there's a certain distance between us still that allows me to listen to you and you to me without thinking if he says so, what does that mean for me? How does that reflect back on me?

But don't you think that this character was really terrible? And you say, no, I actually think that character was really terrible. And we are interested in each other because there's a certain distance between us still that allows me to listen to you and you to me without thinking if he says so, what does that mean for me? How does that reflect back on me?

But after a few years or when we are in stress for all kinds of reasons of stress and you say, I didn't hear that at all. That's not what they said. And I'm like, how can you say that? I mean, this is exactly what he said. And on we go. And at that moment, you're right. We are in fight flight mode.

But after a few years or when we are in stress for all kinds of reasons of stress and you say, I didn't hear that at all. That's not what they said. And I'm like, how can you say that? I mean, this is exactly what he said. And on we go. And at that moment, you're right. We are in fight flight mode.

But after a few years or when we are in stress for all kinds of reasons of stress and you say, I didn't hear that at all. That's not what they said. And I'm like, how can you say that? I mean, this is exactly what he said. And on we go. And at that moment, you're right. We are in fight flight mode.

But fight flight mode is actually very active, but it doesn't give you enough of the relational description. What's happening inside of me and with you and between us, that is the relational narrative. And so I speak a bit of a different language on that.

But fight flight mode is actually very active, but it doesn't give you enough of the relational description. What's happening inside of me and with you and between us, that is the relational narrative. And so I speak a bit of a different language on that.

But fight flight mode is actually very active, but it doesn't give you enough of the relational description. What's happening inside of me and with you and between us, that is the relational narrative. And so I speak a bit of a different language on that.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.