Dr. John Gottman

You know, I remember one of my teachers actually saying to me a sentence that has accompanied me in my work for decades now. And he said, it's not difficult to be right, but then you will be right and alone.

You know, I remember one of my teachers actually saying to me a sentence that has accompanied me in my work for decades now. And he said, it's not difficult to be right, but then you will be right and alone.

The challenge of being right is to not disconnect, to not sever the connection with the person with whom you're having the conversation with, so that you can hold multiple realities, multiple truths, multiple perspectives at the same time.

The challenge of being right is to not disconnect, to not sever the connection with the person with whom you're having the conversation with, so that you can hold multiple realities, multiple truths, multiple perspectives at the same time.

The challenge of being right is to not disconnect, to not sever the connection with the person with whom you're having the conversation with, so that you can hold multiple realities, multiple truths, multiple perspectives at the same time.

And when you are close to someone, be it your friend, your family member, your partner, and you see this is blue and they tell you this is not blue, this is green. How can you even think that this would be blue? And you experience this as there is no room here. It must be one or the other. This is what happened, right?

And when you are close to someone, be it your friend, your family member, your partner, and you see this is blue and they tell you this is not blue, this is green. How can you even think that this would be blue? And you experience this as there is no room here. It must be one or the other. This is what happened, right?

And when you are close to someone, be it your friend, your family member, your partner, and you see this is blue and they tell you this is not blue, this is green. How can you even think that this would be blue? And you experience this as there is no room here. It must be one or the other. This is what happened, right?

Rather than this is how I remember what happened or this is my experience of what happened. You know, a lot of talk in the relationships is pseudo factual talk. It's our subjective experience, but we present it like we know this is it. And therefore, if you have a different experience, it becomes an either or. One of us must be right and one of us must be wrong.

Rather than this is how I remember what happened or this is my experience of what happened. You know, a lot of talk in the relationships is pseudo factual talk. It's our subjective experience, but we present it like we know this is it. And therefore, if you have a different experience, it becomes an either or. One of us must be right and one of us must be wrong.

Rather than this is how I remember what happened or this is my experience of what happened. You know, a lot of talk in the relationships is pseudo factual talk. It's our subjective experience, but we present it like we know this is it. And therefore, if you have a different experience, it becomes an either or. One of us must be right and one of us must be wrong.

And people have all these ways of splitting the difference to kind of say we can agree to disagree. But when people agree to disagree, they're not staying connected. The ability to connect is really this. The research says that if we are describing a contentious situation, you and me, and you tell me what you experience about it, and I don't agree with it, I can listen for about 10 seconds.

And people have all these ways of splitting the difference to kind of say we can agree to disagree. But when people agree to disagree, they're not staying connected. The ability to connect is really this. The research says that if we are describing a contentious situation, you and me, and you tell me what you experience about it, and I don't agree with it, I can listen for about 10 seconds.

And people have all these ways of splitting the difference to kind of say we can agree to disagree. But when people agree to disagree, they're not staying connected. The ability to connect is really this. The research says that if we are describing a contentious situation, you and me, and you tell me what you experience about it, and I don't agree with it, I can listen for about 10 seconds.

And after that, I start to prepare my rebuttal. So when I ask people to repeat what they have just heard that the other person just said to them, If they have to repeat something that they can't agree with, they can't repeat it. It's much more difficult. And 10 seconds is three sentences. And after that, they're lost.

And after that, I start to prepare my rebuttal. So when I ask people to repeat what they have just heard that the other person just said to them, If they have to repeat something that they can't agree with, they can't repeat it. It's much more difficult. And 10 seconds is three sentences. And after that, they're lost.

And after that, I start to prepare my rebuttal. So when I ask people to repeat what they have just heard that the other person just said to them, If they have to repeat something that they can't agree with, they can't repeat it. It's much more difficult. And 10 seconds is three sentences. And after that, they're lost.

So this is how hard it is to enter the truth, the reality of another when it jars with our own.

So this is how hard it is to enter the truth, the reality of another when it jars with our own.

So this is how hard it is to enter the truth, the reality of another when it jars with our own.