Dr. John Gottman

No, because when I asked you, are you a person who stands your ground? Or are you a person who likes to be right or who needs to be right or who needs to be affirmed when you believe you are right? There are different variations here. Or are you a person who will you submit? You'll basically say, OK, you know, it doesn't really matter or whatever. you surrender, you let go, you release it.

It goes together with the fact that I think in many relationships, and this is really to your question about who's right and how we deal, you will often find that there is one person who is more afraid of losing the other and is more in touch with the fear of abandonment. And one person who is more afraid with the fear of losing themselves. and the fear of suffocation.

It goes together with the fact that I think in many relationships, and this is really to your question about who's right and how we deal, you will often find that there is one person who is more afraid of losing the other and is more in touch with the fear of abandonment. And one person who is more afraid with the fear of losing themselves. and the fear of suffocation.

It goes together with the fact that I think in many relationships, and this is really to your question about who's right and how we deal, you will often find that there is one person who is more afraid of losing the other and is more in touch with the fear of abandonment. And one person who is more afraid with the fear of losing themselves. and the fear of suffocation.

And the person who is more afraid of losing themselves is often the person who also will hold ground when they think they're right. The person who doesn't wanna lose the other is more likely to just say whatever, or okay, or doesn't tell you what they think, what they feel, what they need, because you're gonna decide anyway. And in order not to lose you, you should have what you want.

And the person who is more afraid of losing themselves is often the person who also will hold ground when they think they're right. The person who doesn't wanna lose the other is more likely to just say whatever, or okay, or doesn't tell you what they think, what they feel, what they need, because you're gonna decide anyway. And in order not to lose you, you should have what you want.

And the person who is more afraid of losing themselves is often the person who also will hold ground when they think they're right. The person who doesn't wanna lose the other is more likely to just say whatever, or okay, or doesn't tell you what they think, what they feel, what they need, because you're gonna decide anyway. And in order not to lose you, you should have what you want.

That's right. That's super important to say to all the people that listen is that we are contextual. We're not just one thing. The relationship will make us be a certain way. And we will make the relationship be a certain way. It's not just we are either this or that.

That's right. That's super important to say to all the people that listen is that we are contextual. We're not just one thing. The relationship will make us be a certain way. And we will make the relationship be a certain way. It's not just we are either this or that.

That's right. That's super important to say to all the people that listen is that we are contextual. We're not just one thing. The relationship will make us be a certain way. And we will make the relationship be a certain way. It's not just we are either this or that.

Right. No, you don't. Most people basically fight over the same thing that they discovered on the two of their relationship. And that is the big seduction is to get seduced by thinking that it's the money or it's the cleanliness or it's the in-laws or it's the children. It's not. It's not the topic. So what is it? And this is really from the research of Howard Markman.

Right. No, you don't. Most people basically fight over the same thing that they discovered on the two of their relationship. And that is the big seduction is to get seduced by thinking that it's the money or it's the cleanliness or it's the in-laws or it's the children. It's not. It's not the topic. So what is it? And this is really from the research of Howard Markman.

Right. No, you don't. Most people basically fight over the same thing that they discovered on the two of their relationship. And that is the big seduction is to get seduced by thinking that it's the money or it's the cleanliness or it's the in-laws or it's the children. It's not. It's not the topic. So what is it? And this is really from the research of Howard Markman.

This is not my original work at all. And he has more than three, but there are three that I like to highlight. And so the first thing he says is that the underlying themes, what are people really fighting about when they're fighting about this? And you can look at this with your wife, you know, take three topics that you fight about and then tell me, do you fight about power and control?

This is not my original work at all. And he has more than three, but there are three that I like to highlight. And so the first thing he says is that the underlying themes, what are people really fighting about when they're fighting about this? And you can look at this with your wife, you know, take three topics that you fight about and then tell me, do you fight about power and control?

This is not my original work at all. And he has more than three, but there are three that I like to highlight. And so the first thing he says is that the underlying themes, what are people really fighting about when they're fighting about this? And you can look at this with your wife, you know, take three topics that you fight about and then tell me, do you fight about power and control?

As in, who makes the decisions? Whose priorities matter more? Who has to relinquish? That's the word I was looking for. Who relinquishes to the other? Is it about power and control? So it's not who decided what we do with the laundry. It's the fact that there is a perception that there's one person who always makes those decisions and has the power to impose it on the other person.

As in, who makes the decisions? Whose priorities matter more? Who has to relinquish? That's the word I was looking for. Who relinquishes to the other? Is it about power and control? So it's not who decided what we do with the laundry. It's the fact that there is a perception that there's one person who always makes those decisions and has the power to impose it on the other person.

As in, who makes the decisions? Whose priorities matter more? Who has to relinquish? That's the word I was looking for. Who relinquishes to the other? Is it about power and control? So it's not who decided what we do with the laundry. It's the fact that there is a perception that there's one person who always makes those decisions and has the power to impose it on the other person.

Because you will see the same thing will be said for the laundry and for the money and for the children and so forth. Number two, are you fighting about care and closeness, as in trust? Can I count on you? Do you think about me when you make a decision? Am I part of the picture? Do you have my back? That's the care and the closeness. And number three, do you fight over respect and recognition?