Dr. John Gottman

But fight flight mode is actually very active, but it doesn't give you enough of the relational description. What's happening inside of me and with you and between us, that is the relational narrative. And so I speak a bit of a different language on that.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

So, you know, in where should we begin? In this couple sessions, you see me help people to listen. But the listening is not just in order to hear what the other person say. It's our ability to enter the experience of the other person, even if my experience is very different. I don't think that when I went upstairs to read my book that I was leaving you stranded all alone downstairs.

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

I just thought I went to read my book. How do I show you that I understand that in those moments you feel left out without having to agree that that's what I did to you? So that is the real challenge, right? How do I hold on to my experience while I still connect to yours? Or how do I connect to your experience without feeling that then I am subservient to mine?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

That dance of differentiation in couples, that is the real struggle around being right or having the truth. is the ability to see multiple truths. Your experience of this behavior is really your experience of this behavior, but that doesn't mean that that's what I did. So what's one thing people can do when you're in that conversation?

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.

Sometimes I'm going at it with my husband or my sons, and I'm thinking, ooh, it's so hard for me to hear them say this. And then I think, okay, reflective listening. Why? Just and everybody can do that, which is really to start with a very common technique. But it's very hard. It's simple when you don't disagree. Somebody says you're beautiful, you're smart. I love spending time with you.

You know, you're such a fun person to be with. You don't have a problem saying what I'm hearing you say is that you think I'm really smart and you love spending time with me flows very easily. But if you're saying you abandoned me, you left me stranded there. You don't pay attention to me. You don't really care about what I have. And I have to repeat that.

You know, you're such a fun person to be with. You don't have a problem saying what I'm hearing you say is that you think I'm really smart and you love spending time with me flows very easily. But if you're saying you abandoned me, you left me stranded there. You don't pay attention to me. You don't really care about what I have. And I have to repeat that.

You know, you're such a fun person to be with. You don't have a problem saying what I'm hearing you say is that you think I'm really smart and you love spending time with me flows very easily. But if you're saying you abandoned me, you left me stranded there. You don't pay attention to me. You don't really care about what I have. And I have to repeat that.

And I don't see myself in anything that you've just said. That is really challenging. So what I'm hearing you say is that when I go to read my book, it leaves you feeling very left out. Is this it? Do I get it? Hmm. Yes. Tell me more. Well, because the last three times you went to read your book, you never came back down and you stayed there in your attic for three hours in a row.

And I don't see myself in anything that you've just said. That is really challenging. So what I'm hearing you say is that when I go to read my book, it leaves you feeling very left out. Is this it? Do I get it? Hmm. Yes. Tell me more. Well, because the last three times you went to read your book, you never came back down and you stayed there in your attic for three hours in a row.

And I don't see myself in anything that you've just said. That is really challenging. So what I'm hearing you say is that when I go to read my book, it leaves you feeling very left out. Is this it? Do I get it? Hmm. Yes. Tell me more. Well, because the last three times you went to read your book, you never came back down and you stayed there in your attic for three hours in a row.

And what am I supposed to do here? I thought we were going to do something together. It's Sunday. What I'm hearing you say is that I stayed very long. And I want to start to argue, no, it wasn't three hours. I never stayed three hours in my attic. It only was one hour. But instead, I have to say it felt to you or it was three hours.