Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

This is also a good principle when you're arguing with... Maybe you're upset with your partner, your wife or your husband. It's incumbent on you to figure out what you want. Like, what would satisfy you? Okay, so you have a problem with me. I didn't... I wasn't properly appreciative for... the efforts you made when you were preparing dinner. I was dismissive of it.

This is also a good principle when you're arguing with... Maybe you're upset with your partner, your wife or your husband. It's incumbent on you to figure out what you want. Like, what would satisfy you? Okay, so you have a problem with me. I didn't... I wasn't properly appreciative for... the efforts you made when you were preparing dinner. I was dismissive of it.

It's like, okay, what is it that you wish I would have said? The person might say, well, if you loved me, you'd know that. It's like, yeah, but I'm stupid. So I need to know What words should have I used that would have encouraged your efforts in that regard? And then the person can tell you, and then you can say the words.

It's like, okay, what is it that you wish I would have said? The person might say, well, if you loved me, you'd know that. It's like, yeah, but I'm stupid. So I need to know What words should have I used that would have encouraged your efforts in that regard? And then the person can tell you, and then you can say the words.

And you have to understand that there's going to be a certain falseness about that the first time that it happens. But it's something you can get good at over time. You may have to teach your partner how to reward you properly. And there may be pretty bad at it the first 10 times, and that might be annoying to you and them. And even false, right? but you can practice it and it's worth practicing.

And you have to understand that there's going to be a certain falseness about that the first time that it happens. But it's something you can get good at over time. You may have to teach your partner how to reward you properly. And there may be pretty bad at it the first 10 times, and that might be annoying to you and them. And even false, right? but you can practice it and it's worth practicing.

Throwing some evidence in their direction would be useful in that. Here's some things, you know, that I remember that you really did well.

Throwing some evidence in their direction would be useful in that. Here's some things, you know, that I remember that you really did well.

Well, this is one of the things that you see repeated in the biblical stories is that this is why there's insistence in those stories that whatever the divine is, it's something that you actually enter into a relationship with because there is this element of let's say, tolerance for failure combined with encouragement, right?

Well, this is one of the things that you see repeated in the biblical stories is that this is why there's insistence in those stories that whatever the divine is, it's something that you actually enter into a relationship with because there is this element of let's say, tolerance for failure combined with encouragement, right?

It's not merely that what constitutes the divine is this unattainable infinite standard against which you're always going to fall short. That's what a tyrant does, falsely. It's more like the spirit of encouragement that a good father would... put into play with his kids.

It's not merely that what constitutes the divine is this unattainable infinite standard against which you're always going to fall short. That's what a tyrant does, falsely. It's more like the spirit of encouragement that a good father would... put into play with his kids.

You know, you want to set a standard that pulls the child upward towards further development, but you want to put it within the range of their grasp. And so, and, you know, does that characterize your interaction with the world? Well, I think it's fair to say that it is, because, you know, we can fail without dying, and we can improve. And so the notion that ideals...

You know, you want to set a standard that pulls the child upward towards further development, but you want to put it within the range of their grasp. And so, and, you know, does that characterize your interaction with the world? Well, I think it's fair to say that it is, because, you know, we can fail without dying, and we can improve. And so the notion that ideals...

can exist in concert with encouragement isn't an unreasonable proposition. And it is. I mean, I think part of the reason that God is represented, let's say, in the biblical text as a wise father is because that element of the divine that's discriminating but encouraging is paramount. And that is what you want in a father, for sure. You want someone who says, I think you're capable of being great.

can exist in concert with encouragement isn't an unreasonable proposition. And it is. I mean, I think part of the reason that God is represented, let's say, in the biblical text as a wise father is because that element of the divine that's discriminating but encouraging is paramount. And that is what you want in a father, for sure. You want someone who says, I think you're capable of being great.

I really think that. And here's some evidence that you've provided that that might be the case. But given that I believe that you're capable of that, I'm not going to let you get away with any deviation from that that would be finally counterproductive. That's not care, right? That's the devouring mother who says, whatever you do is fine, dear. It's like, that's not love, right?

I really think that. And here's some evidence that you've provided that that might be the case. But given that I believe that you're capable of that, I'm not going to let you get away with any deviation from that that would be finally counterproductive. That's not care, right? That's the devouring mother who says, whatever you do is fine, dear. It's like, that's not love, right?

That's actually love. The desire on the part of the person who's delivering that message to keep the person being communicated with in a continually infantile and dependent state So it's a weird thing because you need that discriminating judgment, which can be quite harsh. It's like, no, that wasn't up to standards there, buddy. But that failure isn't emblematic of your core self.

That's actually love. The desire on the part of the person who's delivering that message to keep the person being communicated with in a continually infantile and dependent state So it's a weird thing because you need that discriminating judgment, which can be quite harsh. It's like, no, that wasn't up to standards there, buddy. But that failure isn't emblematic of your core self.