Dr. Julie Gottman

It's not saying something exactly.

The only antidote is to do something to calm your physiology down.

Okay, so we've seen the antidote.

It is you tell your partner you need to take a break, that you're flooded, you need to take a break, and you tell your partner when you will come back to continue the conversation.

And typically, the minimum is

A break takes is 20 to 30 minutes.

The most would be 24 hours.

What do you do during the break?

You do not think about the fight.

Because if you keep thinking about the fight and, oh, I should say this when I go back, you'll stay flooded.

Because you're still hooked into the fight.

That is elevating your heart rate.

You need to do something else, like reading a book, reading a magazine, watching TV, playing with the puppy, even going for a run is fine.

taking a walk, doing your email, something that takes your mind off the fight so that those stress hormones can metabolize out of your body, you see.

I'm flooded.

I'm flooded.

I need to take a break.

And, you know, the good thing about saying, I'll be back in 30 minutes, is that a lot of people, when you say, I'm going to go take a break, and they go...

The other person feels rejected, thinks, oh, great, we're never going to get back to this topic.

We're never going to solve this.