Dr. Julie Gottman

I think two things I would say that really change.

One is that hopefully conflict, which is absolutely normal in every relationship, becomes more calm, more gentle, and more constructive.

also more compassionate because the real theme of conflict is to understand your partner better.

It's not to tear your partner down.

It's to really get inside their world and understand where they're coming from.

So hopefully that might take place after listening to your beautiful show and

And I would say, secondly, maybe they do more to express gratitude.

Maybe they ask more questions of their partner to really understand where their partner is at here and now internally.

They may have known them when they were first dating, knew that world, but people evolve and change.

So who are they now?

Asking questions draws that out.

Yeah, let me add that you can be less physiologically aroused.

You know, one of the things that we found in our research is that oftentimes people can be sitting as calmly as John and I are right now, having a conflict, but...

one of their heart rates will be over 100 beats a minute.

And they've gone into fight or flight, which means blood has left this prefrontal cortex, moved back into the motor cortex.

They cannot think clearly, listen clearly, problem solve, and be creative.

It's impossible because this is offline.

Mm-hmm.

So by John pulling out that notebook very slowly, there's a couple of ways it's wonderful.

For one, it keeps you calm.